“Please” and “Thank You”: It’s Not Just For Kindergarten Anymore

One of the first skills we learn in school is speaking to one another with common courtesy. We learn to say “please” and “thank you” and may be denied our requests if we do not use proper manners. Some seem to forget these are life skills that allow us to demonstrate gratitude and manners in our personal and professional life. In fact, a person who does not demonstrate manners may seem ungrateful and it could hurt relationships between a husband and wife, parents and kids, and associations in the workplace.

Philippians 2:1-5 tells us to have the mind of Christ which esteems others better than self and demonstrates it in word and deed. If we do a kindness for others we would expect them to express their gratitude. Therefore, following the principle Jesus taught in Luke 6:31, we should express thankfulness to others.

I am sometimes surprised when I witness an act of kindness for a young person (or older person but this is not Godly Old People, it’s Godly Youth) and they don’t even acknowledge it. Even worse is when someone makes a sacrifice, goes out of their way, spends money, or changes plans to help someone and there is no simple “thank you.”

Be aware of what others are doing for you and express your gratitude. Don’t mumble it–they stepped out to help you, speak up to thank them. Consider some of the following situations where you have opportunities to express gratitude:

Someone…

  • gives you a ride home or to an event
  • pays your admission to an event or buys your food
  • invites you to join in an activity
  • hosts a Bible class or other event for young people in their home (thank the homeowners personally)
  • organizes a gathering or activity for young people
  • gives you a compliment on something you have done
  • calls to check on you when you are sick or going through a tough time
  • takes time for you for any reason
  • gives you a present or money
  • teaches you something important
  • gives you an opportunity, chance, or job

Can you think of other opportunities to show gratitude that young people may overlook? Leave them in the comments!

Alabama Florida College Winter Camp 2011 Presentations

We had a very uplifting time this winter discussing important subjects challenging our spiritual growth. Below are the outlines and presentations from this special period of study:

Christian and Finances by Charlie Nowlin, Sr.  Lesson Text (PowerPoint Presentation)

An excellent lesson by a Christian and the CEO of a large corporation on managing our finances in a way that lead to security, contentment, generosity, and peace within the home. The earlier you learn and apply these lessons in life, the better.

Avoiding Laziness and Non-Productive Habits by Rusty Green Lesson Text (PowerPoint Presentation)

An important lesson for making the best use of our time. Although there is no problem with occasionally spending time on non-productive activities, and it may be very beneficial at times, we will enjoy a greater quality of life and usefulness in God’s kingdom by using our time productively.

Godliness by Rhodes Davis Lesson Text

My lesson on living a life directed towards God and the manifestation of His glory in our lives as we draw closer to Him.

Lasciviousness, Modest Clothing, and Dancing by David Hartsell  Lesson Text (Presentation 1:Lasciviousness Presentation Presentation 2: Modesty and Dancing Presentation)

A much needed lesson on controlling the power of lust in our lives. Practical considerations for young men and women on how they dress and act. The presentations are very detailed with a lot of scriptural references to aid your study.

Five Ways Some People Steal from their Employer

A Christian in the workplace, whether working a beginner’s part-time or summer job or in a career should reflect the glories of Christ in His life. When your employer and co-workers know you are a Christian (and they should!), they will also judge you by how you work.

The judgments they make are a reflection on other Christians and Christ. Some people have a low view of Christianity, or a particular church, because they have seen Christians cheating their employers in many ways. However, some Christians have been able to advance their professional careers because the principles taught by Jesus have led them to make decisions that demonstrated responsibility, accountability, and trust.

Beware lest you harm your example by cheating your employer in these ways:

  1. Stealing Time Most people record the hours they work and are paid a certain amount per hour. While you are being paid, you should be a diligent worker. You were not hired to spend time texting, talking to your friends on the phone or at the workplace, or playing games. While you are at work you should be focused on the work you were hired to do. If you finish your work, ask your employer if there are other things you can do. If there is no work you can spend time cleaning and organizing the workplace. This demonstrates your willingness to work and a desire to learn new things which makes you more valuable as an employee. If your employer sees you often playing games or talking with others, he may decide that he does not need you and save himself the cost of keeping you employed. I worked for a man who said that when he came upon a group of employees talking when they should be working, he felt like they were “picking his pocket.”
  2. Embezzling The most obvious way to do this is to take money for yourself if you have access to money. If the company gives you a credit card to make purchases on its behalf, they are trusting that you will not use the credit card to purchase personal items.
  3. Unauthorized Loan Someone might take money from the company or purchase personal items on a company credit card saying “but I’m going to pay it back.” As a business manager, I can promise that this is not acceptable to your employer and they will consider it stealing. . In fact some fraud begins this way where the person is taking a small amount of money and promises to pay it back. They then take more money and eventually owe the company a lot of money with no way to pay it back. If you need money before you are paid, some companies will give you some of your pay ahead of time (called an advance). But this is money given with the approval of the employer and they take the payment out of your paycheck.
  4. Pilfering You can also steal money by taking office products or company property for your own. Although taking these small things, called “pilfering,” may not seem great, the scriptures explicitly forbid it. (Titus 2:9-10 address the master-slave relationship but the principle is valid)
  5. Lying About Expenses Some employees are repaid for personal money they spend for business (called “reimbursement”). It is common to turn in receipts to show how much was spent for what. Sometimes a company will reimburse the employee for some expenses without the receipt if the employee claims it was lost or not given. If this is the case we must be diligent to report exactly what was spent. Sometimes people “pad their expenses” by turning in receipts for personal items that are not supposed to be paid for or will report more than what was spent for expenses without a receipt. This is a basic trust issue. Is your soul so valuable that you’d sell it for an extra $5 or $10? Yet some will lie and cheat for such small amounts.

School Bullying 4: Cyberbullying

Cyberbullying is a new type of bullying that arose with the introduction of email, texting, and social networks such as Twitter, MySpace, and Facebook. StopBullying.gov describes cyberbulling as:

  • Sending hurtful, rude, or mean text messages to others
  • Spreading rumors or lies about others by e-mail or on social networks
  • Creating websites, videos or social media profiles that embarrass, humiliate, or make fun of others

This type of bullying takes place at all hours of the day and does not require the bully and their victim to interact in the physical world. Sometimes the bully can act anonymously so the victim doesn’t even know who the bully is. The mean messages can be sent repeatedly to harass the victim and can even be automated. As a result, the victim can feel that there is no safe place to avoid the bully or bullies and will fear that their reputation is being ruined.

The first thing you have to remember about cyberbullies is that they are cowards. They strike from a distance and the anonymous bullies are the greatest cowards. There are people who occasionally want to post mean messages in response to my articles. They are not wanting to discuss differences of opinion but just want to insult me and move on. In the Internet world they are called trolls and most bloggers just ignore them because they obviously have nothing good to contribute to the conversation.

It is more difficult when the person attacking you is doing so in school and online. Victims of cyberbullying may not want to go to school to hear how others responded to the online attacks and may start to feel bad about themselves. As with bullies in the physical world, there are some things you can do (much of the advice was from StopBullying.gov).

  1. Don’t Start the Bullying. Be careful what you say online about other people. Some people start bullying because they think they were wronged by someone and they are lashing out immaturely. Don’t reveal anything that might embarrass others (even if it is true) or to put another person down. The old advice of “if you can’t say anything nice about someone, don’t say anything at all” is wise online.
  2. Don’t Reveal Anything Embarrassing About Yourself. Don’t post secrets or other things that you wouldn’t want everyone in school to know. Don’t take immodest pictures of yourself and certainly don’t post such pictures! Once information is published you have no control over where it goes.
  3. Restrict Your Friends List and Followers. Make sure your privacy settings on social networks only reveal things to your friends. Stalkers look for public pages for victims so there is more reason than just cyberbullying to restrict your posts and pictures to friends. Keep your tweets private and only share with your friends. This will allow you to control what is placed on your wall and who sees your information.
  4. Do Not Retaliate. If someone starts cyberbullying, do not respond online!! Do not allow them to draw you into a fight. Deal with the problem offline.
  5. Block the Cyberbully. Thankfully the technology exists to block phone numbers and social network users. Stop them from accessing your accounts or phone if possible.
  6. Report the Cyberbully. As with other bullying, get the adults involved. Most online services have rules against using their services to attack others. Reporting the abuse to the service provider will often get the account suspended while the provider investigates the user’s posts. If they find that there is abuse they will close the account. School officials will also want to confront the bully to stop them from attacking others as well and perhaps help the bully get counseling to help them to quit their abuse.
  7. Seek Help. Get help from adults to deal with the emotional effects of the bullying. Even though you know what the person said wasn’t true, it sometimes helps to have someone who is older and more experienced to help you deal with any lingering effects of the bully’s actions and to put it behind you.

For all bullying, there is a wealth of helpful information online. Do a Google search and discuss some of the things that you find with your parents. The adults who love you want to help you and often you can help them by educating them on how they can assist.

What advice would you give others for dealing with cyberbullies?

School Bullying 3: The Jerk

In the previous article we discussed bullying by the violent unstable kid, sometimes called extreme bullying. In this article we’ll examine how to deal with the bully who may act violent but is just a jerk.  The jerk is simply someone who likes to pick on others to make himself feel better but is pretty scared deep inside. Having to deal with the bully who is a jerk is not easy to deal with but often this person is so insecure that when you stand up to them, they will shrink away from you.

Sometimes this kid is jealous of you or feels threatened by you and so they feel that they must attack you to make them look stronger. Ever seen a small dog bark loudly to a much larger dog? These bullies react in a similar way. They don’t like that you are different or they perceive that you are weak so they pick on you. Here are some tips on how to deal with them.

  1. Avoid them if possible. As with the violent bully, there is no sense in creating problems where there are none. Don’t try to hang around with a known bully but you should not live in fear of them either
  2. Don’t give them the reaction they are seeking. Some bullies want you to cry or act scared. They cannot stand it when you do not act scared and, in fact, you act like you don’t care. Like spoiled kids they hate it most when you just ignore them. If they say something to you to hurt you or try to get you to argue or yell at them and you just look at them blankly then turn around, they may say another thing or two but then will often leave you alone and try to find someone else.
  3. Stand up to them. If they do confront you and will not accept a blank stare for an answer, calmly but firmly tell them to leave you alone. If they persist, more firmly and a little more loudly tell them to leave you alone and walk away. The jerk does not want the attention of an adult (remember they are acting out of fear inside), they will often stop when they know they might get in trouble. Again, ignore any comments they make while you are walking away. What they say about you doesn’t matter!
  4. Report bullying. As in the first article, if they do not quit bullying you, report it to an adult. The jerk will not welcome the attention from the school officials and will stay away from you to avoid more problems in the future.
  5. Pray for them. It’s hard to think that one could pray for good to come to their enemies but that is exactly what Jesus taught. Ultimately you should desire that they turn away from being a jerk and embrace the love of Jesus. Think how much happier they will be and how much better the world will be if they were to embrace kindness and goodness. In any interaction with them reflect the beauty of Christ in your life and show kindness to them. They are expecting others to react angrily to them so your unexpected kindness may light the way to a better way of living.

Most of all, remember that anything the bully says reveals more about who they are than who you are. Don’t listen when they talk about what you wear, your hair, or other physical features. When you hear the words, picture the crying kid inside of them that wants love and attention and is not receiving it. They are trying to hurt you because they are hurting. Do not take to heart what they are saying; it is not based in reality.

When I was in high school there was an older and taller kid who used to pick on me a lot. He’d thump my ear when I sat in front of him or poke me and would say dumb things. One day I was fed up and turned around and asked, “What joy do you get in picking on me? I’m not telling you to stop but I need to know how it is making you happy because it is really bugging me.” He got this funny look on his face and said, “I don’t know. I just do it.” After that he didn’t pick on me again and, in fact, we became friends and had fun joking around together. One day this older and bigger kid who was definitely a violent bully started picking on me, challenging me to a fight, when the teacher left the room. I just ignored him and some of my classmates were telling him to leave me alone. The ear thumper came around and tackled the other kid and started to fight with him. It wasn’t the reaction I wanted but it wasn’t the only time that someone who used to pick on me actually protected me from another bully. But that is a story for another time.