Over the years I’ve written several articles and reflections on raising 6 children, including two we “adopted” as teenagers, and plan to write more in the future. I’ve moved these articles to my personal website rhodesdavis.com. You can reach those categories by clicking this link.
Category: Relationships
I Thought You Were A Christian
Those words stung hard as they slammed me deep in my chest. The look of disappointment in her eyes and the sword of truth from her tongue hit its mark. “I thought you were a Christian.” I thought I was though it was obvious I didn’t act like one. Remember, saying “God knows my heart” to a concern does not address the fruit in your life that led someone to express that concern. Perhaps if you knew your heart as God knew your heart you wouldn’t be doing some of the things that cause godly friends to be concerned.
Those words stung hard as they slammed me deep in my chest. The look of disappointment in her eyes and the sword of truth from her tongue hit its mark. “I thought you were a Christian.” I thought I was though it was obvious I didn’t act like one.
This scene took place after a trip home from church to the college I attended. I usually had students ride with me to the church I attended about 20 minutes away. This Sunday morning there were a few friends and this girl who I didn’t know well but needed a ride. During this time Purple Rain by Prince was popular and I had both the soundtrack and a loud stereo system. This was probably the tamest of Prince’s work but that is not a high standard. As we were driving home we were blasting the tape (yes kids, a cassette) and she
was obviously not enjoying it. My friends were enjoying it, singing loudly and I recall her voicing some displeasure and requesting a music change. Being an arrogant twit at times (mostly to cover my anxiety and low self-esteem) and in a somewhat dark place emotionally, I turned it louder and made some smart remarks. A particularly rude song came on and I didn’t change it and was more of a jerk.
The short trip was over and we made it to campus. We got out of the car, she came around, cocked her head as if asking a question and in a tone that was neither hurt or angry, but matter-of-fact said, “I thought you were a Christian.” I don’t remember if I mumbled an apology then but I remember feeling the impact of the much needed rebuke.
How I didn’t react
I could have bowed up and said, “Are you perfect?” I could have cited anything I knew about her (I didn’t know her well) that might indicate that at sometime she didn’t make a perfect choice. Then I could have said that we are all broken and that none of us are going to live perfect and the grace of God would cover our sins. However, whether she was perfect or not didn’t matter to my sin under discussion and we shouldn’t continue in sin that grace might abound.
I could have taken her to task for judging me. “Judge not…” I could quote and certainly show her the flaw in trying to tell me how to live my life. Yet I would have to hope that she wouldn’t quote the rest of the passage or other passages that encourage Christians to make righteous judgment and to make attempts to rescue our fellow Christians who are wandering away from God, which requires judgment based on the fruits of their lives we can see that sprout from the heart that only God sees. I was a jerk and she was being a loving fellow Christian asking me to consider how my actions contradicted my claim.
I didn’t ignore her.
How I did react
I don’t remember who it was but I remember what she said even now about 30 years later. I thought about my actions and her words and knew she was right. I don’t remember if I apologized to her then but I believe I apologized to her later (or both times). I remember feeling sorrowful for my sinful behavior, conceit, and not being considerate to her. I resolved to make better choices and ultimately made different friends that were more encouraging of what was right.
I never forgot the words. Maybe she knows who she is and remembers the event and the conversation and might read these words. If so, she can reach out or remain anonymous but she can know that I never forgot her loving rebuke and I think about it when I am tempted to act in a way that does not represent Christ or glorify the Father. For this I am grateful.
How will you react?
How will you react when someone sends you a text, message, email, calls you, or confronts you in person about something they think you are doing wrong?
- Are you going to turn on them for trying to turn you back to the right way?
- If you think you are not in the wrong, are you going to calmly discuss this with them with an open heart and open Bible to determine whether you are in the wrong or not?
- Will you be sympathetic if they didn’t have all of the information or perhaps jumped to conclusions to give them the whole story (perhaps helping them to have better judgment) but thanking them for having the courage to confront you about it?
- Are you going a berate them and flame them for daring to say a negative thing about you (note: this is a good way to drive away anyone who can help you be a better person, even if their concern is wrong)?
Remember, saying “God knows my heart” to a concern does not address the fruit in your life that led someone to express that concern. Perhaps if you knew your heart as God knew your heart you wouldn’t be doing some of the things that cause godly friends to be concerned. Your friends could be wrong, but you could be wrong.
I’m thankful I listened to her and that I had someone who cared for my soul more than they cared for my feelings.
Proverbs 15:17 – Fat, Rich, and Miserable
Funny how we look at beautiful houses in nice neighborhoods and think of how great our lives could be if we lived there. Without love it is a well decorated prison where even the best food loses its flavor.
“Better is a dinner of herbs where love is than a fattened ox and hatred with it.” Proverbs 15:17 (ESV)
It was one of the nicest houses I’ve seen. Secluded with a view of the mountains, a clean blue pool surrounded by a beautiful garden, a porch made for celebrating outdoors, large immaculate rooms, and every comfort you could imagine. It was hard to believe that the husband and wife inside had such contempt for each other and were ready to divorce.
But I’d seen it before. Beautiful houses, well furnished, and miserable occupants: a husband and wife who barely talked without arguing, children alienated from their parents and one another, and little happiness to be found. They drove nice cars, were successful in school, business, and the local society clubs but had contempt for one another within the walls of their suburban mansion. One daughter told me, “everybody at church thinks my parents are so great but they would cringe if they knew how they talked to each other and us kids at home.”
I’ve been in homes where guests sat on hand-me-down furniture, sparsely decorated, and if there was a garden it was probably for vegetables to provide relief to the grocery bill. The working TV might be on top of the non-working TV and, if the gathering was sizable, the place setting at dinner wouldn’t match. Yet you would often find particle board bookshelves filled with religious books and pictures of family past and present on the walls throughout the house. Arguments would be the exception, not the rule, as mutual respect and affection were evident in their interactions.
Not all rich houses are occupied by miserable people who loathe one another and some humble houses have contemptible abusive people. The size of the house is not important nor is the prestige of the address or the furnishings. The love the occupants have for one another makes a home. The finest food loses its flavor if eaten in a house filled with hatred. A dinner of herbs found in the yard will seem like a feast for royalty if you are surrounded by love.
Happily, the couple in the opening paragraph rekindled their love for one another, found a deeper love for God, have used their house and their home to be a blessing to others, and help the cause of God in so many ways. And there is love at their table.
Book Review: The 5 Simple Truths of Raising Kids
The author expounds simple truths that seem grounded with research and common sense but it mainly reinforced what I’ve read in other parenting books. If you want to see the latest research on young people’s behaviors and related parenting principles, it is a good resource.
The 5 Simple Truths of Raising Kids
by R. Bradley Snyder
As the parent of 4 kids (and having raised 2 others), I am an avid reader of parenting books as I seek tips and ideas for being a good father. This book has a lot of psychological reporting and survey information for those who value research-focused information over anecdotal advice. However, data must be interpreted properly to yield good advice. The basic concepts in the book: “kids are good” and “parents need to parent” is sound but not new.
The research data provides great insight into the habits of young people that often contrasts with sensationalized media stories and TV/movie dramas. There are probably more positive trends among young people than we realize; however, we must be diligent to direct children towards good decision making.
The author expounds simple truths that seem grounded with research and common sense but it mainly reinforced what I’ve read in other parenting books. If you want to see the latest research on young people’s behaviors and related parenting principles, it is a good resource.
Buy at Amazon (affiliate link)
3 Life Lessons for Earthly and Spiritual Success
Graduating seniors and newlyweds receive well-meaning, often good, sometimes wrong life advice. Older people want to help others enjoy the blessings of life and avoid unnecessary difficulty. Even at Godly Youth I share guidance from the Bible, my life, and the lives of others to help others develop a closer relationship with God and live godly on this earth. There are many important principles to follow but I want to share three lessons that every person must learn.
Law of the Harvest
The first life principle we must recognize is what Steven Covey called the “Law of the Harvest.” The Law of the Harvest recognizes that actions have inescapable consequences. Much of life’s pleasure and pain is a direct result of our choices. God will judge us based on the things we have done, Romans 2:1-11. Consider Paul’s message to the Galatians:
Do not be deceived, God is not mocked; for whatever a man sows, that he will also reap. Galatians 6:7 (NKJV)
Positive choices lead to positive consequences. Poor choices lead to negative consequences. You cannot kill someone as a drunk driver if you don’t get drunk. If your relationships are in turmoil and there is negative drama in your life consider your actions. Do you lose your temper? Do you gossip or lie? Are you doing immoral things with your friends? Are you enjoying good health and happiness because you have chosen to do things that do not harm your body or trouble your heart? Have you chosen friends who help you be more like Jesus or take you away from God?
We cannot control everything that affects the quality of our life but we can decide how we respond. Hardship can harden us or strengthen us; it’s our choice. We can dwell on the negative things cruel people say or focus on the positive things said by those who love us.
So the first life lesson is remember the Law of the Harvest and make good choices about who you are with, what you do, and how you react to the events of life. Make good choices at church, school, and work in order to grow and succeed spiritually, educationally, and professionally. Make good choices in dating relationships and marriage to strengthen your relationship. Always remember that some decisions seem small and insignificant but could have a profound change in the outcome of your life.
Mind Over Matter
The second principle is about self-control and self-direction. Some are slaves to their bodies and fleshly desires. They indulge their desires and rarely say “no” to the flesh. In order to succeed in life and grow spiritually we must control our desires.
In order to be physically fit and generate energy we must eat wisely and exercise frequently. I have to resist the urge to skip my workout in favor of sleep, an unhealthy meal, or any other activity. While exercising I often must ignore my physical desire to quit during a session and continue biking, running on the treadmill, or lifting weights while being aware of signals that I need to quit for my safety or to stay hydrated. At the restaurant, I need to order wisely and avoid junk food. The Law of the Harvest tells me that poor choices in the gym or at the restaurant will lead to poor results, Mind Over Matter reminds me that my spirit can control my flesh and my mind can overrule the body.
Dogs are great animals but God did not give them higher reasoning. When you bring home a puppy, it is a bundle of uncontrolled desires: eat, drink, sleep, poop, and play. None of these desires are wrong but they are not always properly exercised. For example, it is good for the dog to eat and drink from his bowls but not from the garbage can and toilet bowl. After eating he will need to poop and we want him to do it outside, not on the carpet. We want the dog to sleep in a proper place and not to play by chewing our shoes. Since we cannot reason with the dog, what do we do? We train them.
By training the dog we teach it to overcome its desire to dig into the trash, drink from the toilet, soil the carpet, eat the shoes, and sleep on the pillow. We punish bad behavior by yelling “no” and making a loud noise or squirting it with water. We also reward good behavior with praise and treats. In fact, we can teach it to do tricks and perform acts, like playing fetch, through rewards.
In a similar way, we can bring our flesh under the control of the spirit. Romans 7:13-25 describes a war within our bodies between the spirit and the flesh. The flesh, like the dog, is incapable of following God. It is a collection of desires that are not wrong but can be used in a wrong way: hunger, thirst, sex, sleep, seek pleasure and avoid pain, and stay alive. Sex is not wrong in marriage but God condemns it outside of the marriage relationship. Thirst is not wrong but drunkenness is. Sleep is not wrong but laziness is sinful. It is not wrong to preserve our life but if we have to renounce Christ to save our life we will be lost eternally, Matthew 10:33. Christians must bring their body under the control of their mind, and the mind under the will of God.
Therefore do not let sin reign in your mortal body, that you should obey it in its lusts. And do not present your members as instruments of unrighteousness to sin, but present yourselves to God as being alive from the dead, and your members as instruments of righteousness to God. For sin shall not have dominion over you, for you are not under law but under grace. Romans 6:12-14 (NKJV)
Finish Well
The final life lesson is that when we start worthy goals and efforts we must finish them. I am hesitant to say “finish what you started” because we sometimes start things that are a waste of time that could be put to a better use. There is no sense stubbornly finishing something just because you started it if there is a better way to use your time. Of course, this means we need to be wise about what we start so we can use our time effectively.
Assuming you have begun a worthy task, finish it. Ecclesiastes 5:3 says, “For a dream comes through much activity, and a fool’s voice is known by his many words.” Many people can talk a good game and babble about what they are going to do but the dream becomes reality through effort (activity). We can excited starting a new project or planning a new effort but when difficulties come we are challenged to stay focused and keep working until we reach the goal.
This principle will help us to be successful in life. Finishing school or work projects well require dedication and hard work. Success in sports requires us to work hard in practice when no one is cheering and finishing strong even if we are losing. I saw a tweet recently that said, “Commitment is staying loyal to what you said you were going to do long after the mood you said it in has left you.” We can only enjoy the sense of accomplishment when we have crossed the finished line.
Spiritually, we need to finish well. 2 Peter 2:18-22 warns us not to be entangled in sin after leaving a life of sin lest we be disgusting in his sight. Hebrews 6:1-8 warns that we can leave God and develop a hard heart that will not want to return to God, crucifying Jesus again in our lives. Colossians 1:21-23 promises reconciliation is we remain steadfast and unmoved from our commitment to God and His will. We need to maintain our commitment to Christ until death even if we must do so in the face of persecution. We must not give up when we are tired but keep going knowing that our work is not a waste of time, Galatians 6:9; 1 Corinthians 15:58. Consider the warning and exhortation of the Hebrew writer:
Therefore do not cast away your confidence, which has great reward. For you have need of endurance, so that after you have done the will of God, you may receive the promise: “For yet a little while, And He who is coming will come and will not tarry. Now the just shall live by faith; But if anyone draws back, my soul has no pleasure in him.” But we are not of those who draw back to perdition, but of those who believe to the saving of the soul. Hebrews 10:35-39
Final Thoughts
In order to have a successful and satisfying life on earth, usefulness in God’s kingdom, and an eternal home with God remember to make good choices for a good harvest, control your flesh with the spirit, and pursue good efforts and goals until they are completed.
