Category: Christian Living

Regret 1: I Sacrificed My Dreams to Please Others

Several years ago, a former palliative care nurse, Bronnie Ware, wrote a widely circulated article, based on her discussions with dying patients, describing the regrets they shared with her in their final period of life. The top five were featured in an article on her site and she has since turned the article into a book. Last week the web site addicted2success listed 10 Regrets In Life By Those About To Die. This week I’m discussing five of those regrets.

This week I want to look at each of the regrets and some lessons we can learn from them. I would urge you to read the full length article on her site for additional information.

I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.

This was the most common regret of all. When people realise that their life is almost over and look back clearly on it, it is easy to see how many dreams have gone unfulfilled. Most people have had not honoured even a half of their dreams and had to die knowing that it was due to choices they had made, or not made. (Ware)

Disciples of Christ live a life that follows His teachings and example, reflecting His glory, which includes loving and serving others. Either through guilt or misunderstanding, we can sometimes allow others to have unnecessary influence in our lives or we yield to what they want in our lives instead of what we want. As long as we are following God’s commandments we have great liberty to choose what we will do in life and how we will live. Parents and friends may have ideas on how we should live our lives, where we should live, what career we should pursue, and other matters. We must not forget that our lives were given to us by God and we can make the choices on how to live. Even people who love us dearly may give us terrible or outdated advice.

Career Choices

For example, a young person may say that they want to pursue a particular type of career. Often the reply will be, “You can’t make money doing that” or “You may have a hard time finding a job doing that.” I’ve told young people going into unique careers that older people often respond this way when they don’t know anyone who does that type of job or do not know much about it. In fact, I have heard older people give young people advice to go into a certain career field that was undergoing massive job layoffs! In the past they knew that this kind of job paid well and was stable but their information was outdated. I’m not saying don’t listen to the advice but take it as advice, not the absolute truth. Investigate career paths for yourself. Learn what you have to do to make it succeed and pursue your dream. Perhaps your dream job doesn’t pay a lot but if you can conform your life to live within that pay then you will be successful. There was a career path I would have loved but didn’t pursue it because I listened to the “experts” in my life telling me that it wouldn’t be a good choice. Sadly, I listened to them and gave up something I would have really enjoyed instead of trying to see how I could make it work.

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Sometimes parents will drive their children to live out the dreams they didn’t pursue. A father may have been a good athlete but didn’t play at the college or professional level but pushes his child to do this. The child may want to please his father but does not have the heart for sports that his father did and will be miserable playing. Some people, following the dreams of their parents, pursue careers as accountants, lawyers, business owners, or other high profile jobs and are miserable in those jobs because they wanted another career path. If you are in this situation, discuss your dreams with your parents, be prepared to deal with the objections mentioned in the last paragraph, and share the career path you want to pursue.

Personal Dreams

Sometimes we do not fulfill our dreams because we are so busy trying to please others. We can help other people carry their burdens but each of us has the responsibility to carry their own burdens, Galatians 6:1-5.  Some people will let you carry all of their burdens: do their work, make lots of demands on your time, etc. They might try to make you feel guilty for not doing more but remember they are responsible for their own lives. Many years ago I spent several hours at the house of a husband and wife with marital problems AND problems raising their kids. I gave them some practical things to do to help in both situations. A couple of weeks later they called during the middle of some family time saying, “You need to come over here. We’re having problems.” I asked if they had followed the advice I gave earlier. They said “no.” I told them to discuss these things because I wasn’t going to come over repeat the advice they ignored. I didn’t feel guilty because they had ignored my help before. I would have sacrificed precious time with my family because these people were making poor decisions in their family and until they made different choices they would continue to have the bad consequences.

Your dreams may include time writing, drawing, performing music, gardening, sports, etc. but you are denying enjoying those dreams because of the demands others are putting on you. You need to feel confident telling people “no” so you can tell yourself “yes” to enjoy this life. This is a life in balance that serves and honor others but also honors yourself and your dreams. A quote attributed to Oliver Wendell Holmes (and Benjamin Disreli…but I think it is Holmes) says, “Many people die with their music still in them. Why is this so? Too often it is because they are always getting ready to live. Before they know it, time runs out.” You do not know how long you have to live, enjoy today. Serve God, serve others, enjoy life yourself.

The Will of God: Pursue Your Dreams

Perhaps you think that wanting to fulfill your dreams is selfish and you must always do things to please others. A comedian once asked, “If we are to serve others, what are the ‘others’ supposed to do?” It is not selfish to pursue the desires of your heart, but it is the will of God. Consider this wisdom from Ecclesiastes 11:9-10:

Rejoice, O young man, in your youth, and let your heart cheer you in the days of your youth. Walk in the ways of your heart and the sight of your eyes. But know that for all these things God will bring you into judgment.Remove vexation from your heart, and put away pain from your body, for youth and the dawn of life are vanity. (ESV)

The inspired wisdom of Solomon encourages the young to pursue what is in his/her heart as long as they are not sinning in pursuing it. If the ways of our heart and what we desire with our eyes is not evil, God says to enjoy it, not to stress about it, and to pursue it while we have the health to do it. In the next chapter he says we are to “fear God and keep His commandments,” reminding us that our desires must be good.

God has blessed you with special characteristics and gifts and you are unique of all people who have ever been made. Follow your dreams and glorify God in your life. Some will rejoice in the life you have chosen and some will never understand. One lesson you must learn early is that anything worth pursuing will have its critics, in achievements you will have people who are jealous, and some will never understand. Let them misunderstand and be critical: you do not have to please them. Ultimately you only have to please God and the person in the mirror.

Do you have regrets for dreams you didn’t pursue or success stories where you pursued your dream even when others could understand? Share those stories or other observations in the comments!

Other Posts in this series:

Regret 2: Missed Much By Working Too Much
 Regret 3: I Wanted the Courage to Express My Feelings
Regret 4: I Miss My Friends
Regret 5: I Wish I Had Let Myself Be Happier

Could You Live Without Internet Celebrity?

Could you live in obscurity? No Facebook celebrity. No personal reality series unfolding on social media. No wide audience knowing what you ate, what you are thinking or doing, or the great people you are with. No sharing music, books, and movies that demonstrate cultural savvy or counter-cultural enlightenment. The only people who know these things are the few you interact with daily in the physical world who love you. Thoughts are shared across the table, not the keyboard, and certainly not on the keyboard under the table. Could you live like this?

What if you wrote a beautiful story or poem, profound article, or other work of art but could not share it with the world? Could you be content with enjoying its beauty yourself? We often create to communicate but could we contently create for creation’s sake?

I am challenged by this thought. It gnaws at me. I love the interaction; the sharing but sometimes it is not sharing. It is broadcasting. Promotion. Diatribe not dialog. That selfish imp inside who cries out to be seen and heard; to be known and loved, even if shallow attention and click-through reaction can be interpreted as love. Was it liked, shared, retweeted, or favorited? Did you see it? Did you care? Do I care? Am I seeing?

socmedia logosFor any career, passion, or achievement, could you be content to enjoy it without broadcasting it? What makes us cry out for attention? Why do some feel the need to regurgitate every thought, feeling, and interest upon their Facebook wall or into the Twitterverse? These are carefully managed presentations of ourselves for the world to see. My profile is not my reality. It is a carefully curated illusion presented for consumption. It is brand “me” for the world to see but, the secret we all know, is that it is not me. It is a caricature of who I am and how I live.

The form, the media, is not the problem. It is how I use the power given to me. Will I use it to feed my ego, create celebrity, riding on an emotional roller coaster of shares, likes, and comments? Can I simply enjoy the act of creation, share it, and walk away. No pathetic lingering at the dashboard to see how often it was read and shared. Perhaps this post could live on my computer, for my eyes only. I’m too weak for that now. It must be posted. It must be shared.

But the bright light of the truth dispels the illusion: Internet fame is real world obscurity. Ask the person on the street if they know the famous blogger you follow and they will answer with a blank stare. The joke is on us. We cannot live in obscurity so we carve our place in the virtual world through copious sharing and posting and find that in all the bleeding and baring our soul, we remain obscure. A raindrop of a tweet in a raging river. A heartfelt post quickly scanned and forgotten, dispelled by Grumpy Cat or the meme-of-the-moment. We face the hard reality: in cyberspace, no one can hear you scream.

5 Ways to Use Social Media to Glorify God and Teach Others

Most teenagers have some type of social media account (Facebook, Twitter, Google+, Pinterest, Myspace) they use to exchange information and cat pictures with their friends and keep up with what is going on in their world. Some consider these networks to be the opening of a great world of information sharing while others  cite them as examples of the downfall of civilization. In truth, they are neither good nor evil but are simply tools that can be used and abused.

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Like anything in their lives, Christians must use social media properly to be bright lights in a dark world and reach out to those who have no relationship with Him. Because of the connecting nature of these tools, we have opportunity to use them to connect others with God. Here are five ways we can use social media to glorify God and teach others.their spiritual life instead of polluting their heart or distracting them from God’s service.

  1. Remember that the things that come out in social media are the things that are within your heart. Let your heart be filled with good things and let them be evident to others.Be a good example. Social media posts reflect the things that we want the world to see about us. They often reflect our interests, beliefs, principles, and loves (and too often our meals–whatever). Do the things we “like” reflect whatever is pure, lovely, commendable, and excellent? (Philippians 4:8)
    • What do the musical groups, television shows, movies, actors/actresses, etc. that we like say about what we put into our hearts?
    • Do the things that we share include profane or foul language?
    • In our pictures, are we dressed modestly?
  2. Edify others. The word “edify” means to “build up.” Do the things that we say encourage others or do we gossip about  r insult others? When we know that someone is going through a difficult time we can offer words of comfort or let them know that we are praying for them. As people discuss their needs, we can see opportunities to serve them. Perhaps we can ask our parents to help us prepare a meal for them if they need one or go over to their house to visit and pray with them. When things are going good we can rejoice with them (Romans 12:15).
  3. Invite them to teaching opportunities. Facebook is a great way to announce Bible studies and worship services to your friends. You can lead them to teachers of truth.
    • For example, you could post “We’re having this great study in our Teen Class on ___________. I have really been learning about ___________________ and it has helped me a lot! Our next class is this Sunday morning at [time]. We meet at [address] -or- give link to the church web site if you have it.”
    • You can also advertise special Bible classes, gospel meetings, or sermons directed towards visitors. Post the invitation several times over a  few days and especially the day before the event.
    • Reflect the excitement you have in how it helps you as you try to interest others in attending.
  4. Teaching others.  Facebook’s sharing features are a great tool for sharing articles (like these on GodlyYouth–hint), Bible verses, links to audio/video sermons, books. and other material useful for teaching others. When you read a good article that educates or encourages you, share it with others and note the things with which you agree or disagree or important points to consider with this resource. Some people share quotes, hymn lyrics, and Bible verses which can be a positive message on the Facebook wall. You can also take opportunity when someone is saying something wrong about what the Bible teaches, use the opportunity to correct them in a spirit of meekness (2 Timothy 2:23-26). When someone says they don’t understand something about the Bible or what’s going on in the world, offer to study with them privately online or in person.
  5. Be a peacemaker. Jesus blessed the peacemakers in the Sermon on the Mount, Matthew 5:9. Social media gives us opportunity to cause problems with others or be at peace with them. If our focus is on the salvation of souls, we will not have a spirit of bullying others or tearing them down online. We cannot control what others do but “as much as depends on us” we can live in peace with others, Romans 12:18. Don’t use social media to gang up with others on another person, to tear down or insult others, or senseless arguments. There may be times when you must disagree but can do so without being disagreeable. Be careful in your choice of words and the tone of your message so even if you speak things that are not acceptable to the recipient, your attitude will be honorable. Realize that you may still be misunderstood, reviled, and insulted, but don’t answer in kind. Respond in humility as Jesus did, 1 Peter 2:23-25.

Advice on Developing Sermons for New Preachers

I have been asked several times in the past few weeks for advice on how to organize one’s work for preaching by people who were starting out as preachers seeking advice from other experienced preachers on how they do the work. The following are some observations I shared with these men based on my work and my experience. I emphasize this because each preacher probably has an approach and method that works perfectly for them that would not be as effective for another preacher. Although the work of the preacher is broad, this article focuses on how I approach sermon planning and development.Preparing to Preach

Planning

Every three to six months I review the list of lessons that I preached in the last 3 or 6 months and identify the topics/subject areas I need to preach on in the next 3-6 months (and even some topics to consider in the next review period that won’t fit into the next 3-6 months). As best as I can I set up a calendar with the topics that I want to preach on which dates. I do not make this so concrete that I cannot intersperse lessons that need to be preached on needs that arise during this period. Flexibility is extremely important.

This approach helps me balance the lessons that are more in-depth studies with ones that are more exhortation and not as mentally taxing. I would also look for other areas to keep balanced such as lessons focused on Old and New Testament topics. I keep a list of sermons I’ve preached by date and place and keep each year in a separate tab on a Google Docs spreadsheet (I share this with the man who posts the sermons online so he knows what title to use for the lesson). This helps me make sure that I cover a wide range of congregational learning needs, planning my personal study applicable to the sermons, avoiding the mind blank question, “What am I going to preach on Sunday?”, and prevent unnecessary redundancy in the topics on which I preached.

Time Management

When preaching full-time, I would usually schedule Friday and Saturday off (assuming no emergencies) but often needs arose to which I would be called. However, having this in mind saved me from having to work late on Saturday trying to get something ready for Sunday–a problem compounded if there was also an emergency on Saturday to which I would be called. I would start my sermon prep on Monday morning. My goal was to have both sermons and the Bible classes completed by Wednesday. Those three days would be focused on the study for the lessons, writing them out, and preparing the visuals. Some of the more in-depth lessons might be developed over the course of multiple weeks but that need would be identified in the planning process. This allowed me to have Thursday for in-depth study on a topic of personal interest that I wasn’t necessarily preaching or teaching on at the time. (of course, there were hospital visits, visits with members, studies with non-Christians and new converts, etc. interspersed during this time).

The best thing I did when preaching full-time was getting a calendar broken down in 15 minute increments (appointment calendar). I wrote down everything I did in the time slots (what I studied, who I called, which sermon/class I worked on, reading, visits, etc.). At the end of the week I calculated to make sure that I had at least 40 hours of legitimate preaching work (generally more than 40 hours but if a “4o hour week” is the minimum in the work world, how much more should one be working hard in his labor for the Lord’s kingdom). More importantly, as I reviewed each week I could identify ways to make my work more efficient or identify time intensive activities that might be better assigned to or shared with someone else. For example, there was a lot of time spent on folding bulletins–so I changed to a format that did not require folding or making sure everything was centered for the fold. There was also work that I was doing that made more sense for one of the deacons or interested members to do to allow me to focus more on the study and give that members something to do that contributed to the growth of the congregation. In fact, I found members who were eager to help with correspondence course mailings, etc.

Sermon Preparation

Since, based on planning, I know what I want to preach, I rough out some ideas that I want to cover–not an outline, just some main points and questions I want to answer from my study. The greatest focus of the preparation is immersing myself in the texts related to the lesson to first learn the message of the scriptures. Through the study, other points usually reveal themselves and occasionally eliminate some of the main points I was going to emphasize. This study is the bulk of the work as it should be. I then sketch a Mind Map to develop the order of the lesson (Mind Maps are great tools for planning and organizing thoughts). Working from the Mind Map I write the outline of the lesson. I then go back through and see what areas need illustration or further explanation.

After writing the outline, I do a sweep to see what I need to trim from the lesson. There is an important concept from the writing world: kill your darlings. Sometimes you have a point that you really like or an illustration that seems so good but, in all honesty, it detracts from the lesson or goes on a tangent. Have courage and remove it. Like I note in the next paragraph, you can make use of it in other ways but don’t fall in love with a point or illustration and let the rest of the lesson suffer as a result.

Don’t Do Anything Once

The most practical piece of advice I give to other preachers is don’t do anything once. Use the fruit of intensive study to develop a sermon (or three), write bulletin articles using the points used in the sermon(s) or information that you could not include in the sermon (the darlings you killed) for immediate publishing or to keep in a collection for when time is limited, and copy the bulletin articles as blog posts to share with a broader audience. Often you can use material developed through a deep study to write class material or handouts you can give to people for questions related to that topic. Both the blog articles and handouts allow you to answer common questions by giving prepared information instead of recreating the wheel when questions come up. Finally, keep your notes, articles, handouts, class material, sermon outlines, source material, and other information in a place where you can pull it for refresher study or as the building blocks for future projects. I have a premium subscription to Evernote (Microsoft OneNote can work as well) so I can store PDF and other file formats and access them from my laptop, other computers via the web, and my smartphone. It is a great tool for free and even better for the $45/year premium upgrade. Efficiency allows you to spend more time in the study and service that is important for the kingdom of God.

Difference in Sunday AM and PM Lessons?

Whether one approaches the type of sermon preached on Sunday morning and afternoon depends on the audience. The places I preached full-time, we usually had more visitors on Sunday morning than in the evening (we only have Sun morning services were I preach now) so I might not preach such in-depth lessons. Sunday morning was usually first principles, basics of Christian living, etc. Please consider that probably 95% of the average worship attendance is comprised of those who are already Christians so preaching a lot of lessons on how to become a Christian is, in my opinion, wasted teaching opportunities. Focus on how to live the Christian life, the virtue and blessings of such a life, scriptural answers to life challenges, holiness, and answering specific false teaching and leave most of the “how to become a Christian” to personal studies with the non-Christians and studies with the young people. On Sunday evenings I might do a more in-depth studies on something like millennialism,  Calvinism, etc. and training lessons such as evangelism and service.

Preaching a Series

I heard advice long ago to not announce you are preaching a series. If the series is not going well, you can quietly abandon it if you have not announced it. Announce it, and you feel obligated to it even if it doesn’t seem to be working. I think either approach you described could work. The advantage of spending each lesson on it (or Sun morning and evening) is that the linking info from other lessons is fresher. If the future lessons depends much on the prior lesson I would absolutely keep them close. If the lessons tend to stand on their own, the one or two each month would probably work fine.

Recommended Resources

There are some good resources for preaching available. If I had to recommend three they would be:

  1. 1 and 2 Timothy and Titus. Spend much time in these epistles for the instruction of the wise inspired apostle Paul to these preachers. They are a great source of encouragement, instruction, and exhortation.
  2. Common Sense Preaching by Dee Bowman is an excellent book written by an experienced preacher of the word.
  3. Letters to Young Preachers by various authors. If this book had only the letter by Sewell Hall it would be worth the price of the book. However, there are letters from many wise preachers on the work of preaching including teaching Bible classes and presenting sermons. I can’t recommend this too highly.

Most of all, approach all parts of planning, study, and preaching with liberal time in prayer to God. Never forget, your service is to His glory, not yours.

The Leading of the Holy Spirit

Mark Copeland wrote an extremely insightful and well explained description of what the Bible teaches about the leading of the Holy Spirit: http://executableoutlines.com/hs/hs_09.htm It describes the leading of the Spirit through the word and the implications of the Holy Spirit in the life of the Christian. In my life I have seen brethren who believe that the Holy Spirit speaks to them directly telling them what Bible passages mean, what job to take, where to live, etc. Though Francis Chan called the Holy Spirit “The Forgotten God”, He is also subject to the most misunderstanding and speculation. Scripture doesn’t give us many details of much of His work but that doesn’t stop people from attributing messages and direction to Him. (Great review of that book by Gardner Hall here: http://www.gardnerhall.com/articles/reviewForgottenGod.html note: Hall also talks about scriptural problems with Chan’s “Spirit leading” teaching).

The clear problem is that the Scriptures do not teach a direct leading of the Holy Spirit in the revelation of God’s will when we study or specific direction in our lives. There are no instructions for Christians on how to listen for the Spirit or how to discern between the message of a person’s spirit or the Holy Spirit after the period of spiritual gifts have ceased. There is no scripture addressing the consequences when we don’t move to the place or take the job as the Spirit directs (is it the same as breaking an explicit command of Scripture?–why not?). Furthermore, those who believe the Spirit speaks to them directly cannot explain how so many people who claim to be divinely led by the Spirit speak contradictory things when “God is not the author of confusion.” Where are the explicit miracles to accompany the revelation of God’s will as that which accompanied the revelation of God’s word in the Scriptures?

Many years ago I knew some people who first believed that the Spirit helped them understand God’s word and that He would set up “appointments” for them. Eventually, they became so “Spirit led” that they felt the Spirit was dictating what they should wear, where they should eat, and would give them words to say–essentially becoming puppets of the Spirit who no longer made decisions for themselves. This is a departure from the Bible description of lives transformed by the study and application of the Spirit-inspired scripture that become  spiritually discerning, kingdom focused, looking for opportunities to teach and edify, and making life choices (such as careers and where to live) in view of how the choice can glorify God.