School Bullying 1: The Tragic Costs

School bullying comes in various forms and none are a joy to experience. Some bullies are violent and unstable, some are insecure and mean, and others were victims of bullying and so they are lashing out at someone else. There are kids who bully others so they can be accepted as peers of the bullies and not become victims themselves. There are many reasons why kids might bully other kids but there is no right reason for it to take place.

Bullying is wrong

Bullying is wrong because they are not following the example of Jesus who wanted us to love others, even our enemies. Paul told us to esteem others better than ourselves in Philippians 2:3:

Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves.

We are to serve others and be a light to show the example of Christ. A bully introduces darkness into someone’s world, not light. Sadly, there are kids who have killed themselves because they were tired of being the victim of bullies. How sad to think that you could contribute to someone feeling so bad about themselves that they would take their own life!

Don’t Be A Bully

If you are picking on kids because they are younger, smaller, or different from you, please stop. Stop now. You are not making yourself look bigger or better, although you may get some laughs when you pick on someone. You know that you don’t feel better deep down inside when you do it. You need to know that you are losing the respect of others although they may not tell you to your face. Remember also that bullies often become the victim of bigger bullies who want to prove that they are the boss, not you.

Don’t Be Bullied

If you are the victim of a bully, speak up. When I was in school teachers and the principal might take reports a bully seriously or might not. The world is different today and school officials usually take reports of bullying very seriously. Tell your parents and teachers what is occurring and how it affects you. The administrators will talk with the parents and the student about the behavior and that they want it stopped. If the bully gives you a hard time for telling on him, report it again. The bully will eventually learn to be quiet.

When Jesus told us to turn the other cheek, He was not saying that it is fine for everyone in the world to abuse you. We do not need to be vengeful when others wrong us but we can ask our parents and teachers to stop the bullying. If the adults you are talking to aren’t helping, find other adults to help until the bullying stops.

Protect Others

If you see someone being bullied, do not join in the taunting or picking. Don’t walk by and ignore it either. Stop it either by getting an adult to intervene or, if you feel comfortable that taking up for the victim you will not start a fight or endanger yourself, tell the bully to stop and leave the victim alone. If he does not, immediately get an adult to step in, don’t try to do good by starting a fight. In most cases, someone standing up for the victim is enough to make the bully feel uncomfortable and leave, especially if others tell him to quit after you speak up. I’ve had to deal with bullies in my life and appreciated when others stood up for me.

The Tragic Costs

As I noted above, there are some kids who will commit suicide to get relief from bullying. If you are a victim, get help from adults to stop the bully and if they do not listen, find other adults who will help you. The situation is never so bad that you should want to kill yourself. Most of the kids you are in school with you will never see again when you are out of school and they will have no influence in your life. It is wrong for people to pick on you and you have every right to demand that it cease. The unhappiness and trouble caused by bullying is an unnecessary pain that some people have to endure. I know firsthand from experiences I’ve had with bullies when I was in school. But you can be stronger for overcoming this unfortunate circumstance.

In the next few articles we will discuss cyber-bullying and the two types of bullies: the violent bully and the jerk.

Problems With The “I Love Jesus But I’m Not Religous” Attitude

Audio version of this lesson available here.

Bumper stickers, T-shirts, viral YouTube videos, and pop religion books are filled with the pious sounding mantras of “I love Jesus but I’m not religious” or “I’m spiritual, but not religious.” Though presented as a humble and simple declaration of faith in Jesus alone, it is delivered with a spirit of judgment and superiority over Christians who attend worship services and strive to live holy lives in an ungodly world. Adherents to this attitude emphasize the grace of God as all Christians should, yet teach it as a grace that makes no demands on the believer; a concept foreign to the gospel. They frequently quote Matthew 7:1 “Judge not, that you be not judged” but generally not the rest of the passage or the many other New Testament passages that require Christians to make judgments about themselves and others. This attitude is a show of piety but in words and actions they deny the Jesus they claim to exalt.

Religion Defined: We must first understand what it is we are rejecting if we reject religion. There are many good dictionaries one could consult. Consider this definition from Dictionary.com that represents what I found with other sources:

“a set of beliefs concerning the cause, nature, and purpose of the universe, especially when considered as the creation of a superhuman agency or agencies, usually involving devotional and ritual observances, and often containing a moral code governing the conduct of human affairs.”

It appears from the articles and videos promoting this attitude that it is the ritual observances, organization of believers, and moral code governing affairs that believers are required to follow that it is the source of their grief.

Problem Considered: To be an acceptable attitude to God it must be demonstrated that Jesus condemned ritual observances, the organization of believers into a group, and a moral code governing affairs that believers are required to follow. However, if the scriptures demonstrate that Jesus encouraged and established these things then it is the attitude of these people that is out of step with Jesus. The latter is, in fact, what we find in the scriptures.

Problem 1: Jesus was very religious when he lived as a man

When Jesus lived as a man he had reverence for the Old Law and was obedient to it. In Matthew 5:17 he said that he came to fulfill the Old Law. Matthew 5:19-20 records Jesus condemnation of those who took a casual view of adherence to the law and urged his hearers to be exceedingly righteous. He condemned the Sadducees because they didn’t know the scriptures and embraced error as a result, Matthew 22:29. Many conflicts with the Pharisees occurred when Jesus violated their traditions, not the Old Law itself. To reinforce the seriousness of obedience, when discussing judgment, Jesus said he’d send his angels to remove those who cause sin and are law-breakers from the kingdom, Matthew 13:41.

He condemned those who disobeyed the Old Law by following man-made traditions. In Matthew 7:21-23, Jesus condemned those who claimed to follow him, even doing great works, but had no relationship with him. The problem was not adherence to ritual or good works but expecting good works apart from a relationship with Jesus to have any effect.

Jesus is praised for keeping the law without sin, Hebrews 7:26. His religious life is evident as he studied in the temple (Luke 2), attended synagogue worship and even delivered a message during an assembly (Luke 4), and he observed the Jewish feast days such as the Passover.

Jesus had to deal with the abuse of the law by those who claimed to love God but he did not urge a rejection of religion, just the error practiced by men. He condemned hypocrisy in the Pharisees but he told his followers to listen and obey what they taught from the Law while rejecting their example, Matthew 23:1-3. In an often quoted passage, Jesus did not say that it was wrong to follow the strictness of the tithe (as some claim) but that it should be done in addition to not forsaking the weightier matters of the law, Matthew 23:23-24.

Problem 2: Jesus and his apostles established a religion!

Some adherents to this philosophy want to separate the work of Jesus and the apostles (accept Jesus but reject the teaching of the apostles relative to doctrine) but they cannot be divorced. Instead, Jesus reinforced the authority of the apostles in matters of religion.

As the chart illustrates, all authority flows down from the Father through Jesus to the apostles. The authority form the apostles consists of their teaching and example. The Bible condemns those who do not abide in Christ’s doctrine (2 John 7-11), who follow traditions devised by men (Matthew 15:1-9), and any other authority but God’s word (Galatians 1:6-9, 2 Timothy 3:16-17).

If one wants to condemn the organization of believers into a body (as opposed to just serving God without the church) he will have a problem with Jesus who founded the church, Matt. 16:18. Far from being a foolish organization designed by men, the church is a reflection of the wisdom of God, Ephesians 3:10-13, and is the body of Christ, Ephesians 1:22-23.

Take up stones also to condemn Jesus for instituting ritual practices for on the night before he was betrayed, he instituted a memorial meal to be observed in the church to remember his sacrifice, Matthew 26:26-28, 1 Corinthians 11:17-34. He also commanded his disciples to baptize those who believe the gospel and, sorry if this is scandalous, teach them to observe all of his teachings, Matthew 28:19-20.

Not only did he teach, and commanded his apostles to teach, obedience to his commandments, he outlined what to do when brethren disobeyed the law, Matthew 18:15-20. The apostles reiterated the teaching of our Lord against those who were disorderly, 2 Thessalonians 3:6-15; 1 Corinthians 5:1-5; 2 Corinthians 2:5-11. He went so far as to equate love for him with adherence to his commandments, John 14:15, 21.

The strictness of the moral code of Christ will not sit well with the “I just love Jesus and don’t judge others” crowd. Unlike many who claim to follow Christ today, Jesus had a very narrow view on divorce and remarriage, Matthew 5:31-32, 19:3-12 that caused even his disciples to question whether it might be better to not marry than to marry unwisely. Many in the religious world do not condemn the behaviors condemned by the apostle Paul in Romans 1:18-32 and, instead, condemn Christians who teach that this behavior is “ungodly and unrighteous.”(Paul’s words) Likewise, they bristle against restrictions on sexual immorality, filthy language, and materialism though the apostles, by inspiration of the Holy Spirit, condemn that as well, Ephesians 5:3-12, declaring such behaviors as improper for Christians. True religion, and the word is used in scripture, is praised in James 1:26-27 through the exercise of one’s faith.

Paul warned that times would arise in which men would reject the strict teaching of our Lord and the apostles and find teachers who would allow them to indulge in their passions but have the appearance of piety and serving God, 2 Timothy 3:1-9; 4:1-5. Seems like this is such a time.

Many in the “I love Jesus but am not religious” movement are hesitant to say that those in non-Christian religions will not be saved, yet the Savior himself insisted that salvation is only through coming to the Father through him, John 3:16-18; 8:24; 14:6-7.

As Kevin DeYoung noted in his blog, “If religion is characterized by doctrine, commands, rituals, and structure, then Jesus is not your go-to guy for hating religion” (“Does Jesus Hate Religion? Kinda, Sorta, Not Really” http://thegospelcoalition.org/blogs/kevindeyoung/2012/01/13/does-jesus-hate-religion-kinda-sorta-not-really/)

Problem 3: It condemns true Christians for actions carried out by hypocrites and opportunists

Some advocates for this attitude embrace the argument of the atheists that religious people are the source of more suffering in this world than good. It is a foolish argument that fails to recognize the incredible countless actions by humble Christians who have provided the lowliest service to their fellow man. No one can deny that atrocities have been carried out in the name of Jesus but those actions are out of the boundaries of the moral code of our Lord and true Christians condemn such abuses.

Jesus didn’t throw out the Old Law just because the Pharisees added their traditions. He condemned their error and upheld the holiness of the Law. Jesus addressed the hypocrisy as a problem with people, not God’s law.

That some churches are involved in politics and take a stance as Democrats or Republicans should not condemn those of us who keep politics out of the pulpit. Exercise of political agendas belongs in the personal realm, not in the church. We need to change the hearts of people with the gospel, not the ballot box. Some churches claiming to follow Christ do this because they no longer believe in the inspiration of scripture and the deity of Jesus so they had to redesign the church to be an agent of social change. The alliance of the church and politics (Republican, Democrat, Reformation purges, and Holy Roman Empire) is an unholy one foreign to the Lord who founded a kingdom that was “not of this world.”

Wars fought in the name of the Prince of Peace do not mean that Jesus was pleased with such actions. That some opportunistic leaders and political-religious leaders co-opted the cause of Christ to wage carnal warfare does not mean that all Christians are right to support such action. Some Christians are pacifists and oppose all war, especially in the name of Jesus. The true warfare of the Christian is not of this world and is waged with wars not earthly weapons, 2 Corinthians 10:3-5.

Some claiming to be Christians have used political intimidation and violence to persecute and kill other Christians who did not agree with them. Such actions are not approved by the New Testament and yet the problem was with the individuals and the religious bodies who perpetrated such vile actions, not the church established by Christ.

To condemn the religion of Christ because some people used the name of Christ to make war, oppress others, or to advance their political goals, is naïve and ignorant at best. At worst it is misleading, prejudiced, and arrogant.

Problem 4: Some use non-religion piety to justify immoral or self-centered living

As described above, the moral code of Jesus and the apostles is quite strict. However, some in the modern popular Christian movements are quick to defend a very permissive view of divorce and remarriage, sexual immorality, foul language (even cursing from the pulpit), materialism, and a host of other behaviors with a “judge not” halo glowing over their forehead.  They like to emphasize grace but it’s a man-made grace where everything is acceptable, not the Bible grace that calls men to repentance, Romans 2:4. They like the Jesus who forgives but forgets he is also the one who says, “Go your way and sin no more” (John 5:14; 8:11). They like when Jesus says “judge not” but forget that he is also the judge who will weigh the hearts and actions of men on the last day, John 5:30; 12:48; Matthew 12:36.

There have been similar times in Bible history where, instead of following the law of God, “every man did what was right in his own eyes” to the great displeasure of God, Deuteronomy 12:8; Judges 17:6; 21:25. However, Proverbs 12:15 tells us that it is the fool who follows what is right in his own eyes and does not follow the wisdom of God.

Some claim the church should be a hospital for the broken, which is appropriate since Jesus is a physician for those broken down by sin, Matthew 9:12. However, a person goes to the hospital to be healed, not to continue in the sick condition. Jesus calls us from the filth of the world to live clean and pure lives (2 Peter 1:3-4; 1 Peter 4:1-5). It is strange that some are content in their “broken” condition instead of recognizing that God is calling us out of the world into holy living as part of our “reasonable service,” Romans 12:1. Seems that some are ‘holier than thou’ about the virtue of their lack of holiness. Yet God wants us to be holy because he is holy, 1 Peter 1:15.

Conclusion

Like so many Christians, I am disgusted by the materialism and immorality that has characterized so many prominent groups and individuals claiming to be Christian. I mourn for the carnal warfare, persecutions, and abuse carried out in Jesus’ name or by those who claim allegiance to Christ. I believe that much of the “Christian” world reflects a hijacked religion that departed from the simplicity of the gospel in the New Testament. However, I cannot throw out the true religion of Christ because some institutions and individuals have left the way of Christ though they claim a relationship with him. If you love Jesus, you will love religion—the religion that he established, that is described in the New Testament, and that reflects the glory, holiness, and righteousness of our great Lord.

Why Is School Boring?

The whine drifts from the bedrooms of kids around the globe: “Why is school so boring?” You have to spend the day listening to teachers present the same material they present every year to another group of students. Some subjects are fine but other subjects leave you asking yourself, “When will I ever need to know this?” Some material you have a hard time understanding and some subjects are so easy that they do not challenge you. And if that didn’t seem bad enough, some teachers give you homework so you can’t escape when you leave school! If you can’t see why you need to be at school or how you will use the knowledge, you will find it boring.

However, the biggest reason school is boring is your attitude! Anything in life will be boring to the person who makes it boring. An important lesson I learned early in my life is that I cannot control what happens but I can control my reaction to it and my attitude about it. I cannot control the fact that I may have to wait in a lobby for a doctor’s appointment or that something has been delayed causing me to wait, I can prepare so that I can make that downtime useful by bringing a good book to read or have a conversation with someone else waiting. If you have an attitude to make the best out of any situation, you can find interest, and maybe excitement, in almost any place and in any circumstance.

Likewise, since you have to go to school and study, approach it with an attitude of curiosity and interest in your world. Classes like history give you examples of behavior to repeat or avoid and sometimes inspirational stories to motivate you to accomplish great things. English is critical in our society since the ability to communicate with others effectively will help you succeed in business and in all of your relationships. You will find that math skills are important for so many areas of your personal and professional life. Even physical education and health can provide valuable knowledge to help you stay fit for life. There are things that I wished I learned more effectively in school that would be useful today. In fact, I’ve had to go back on my own and learn some skills that I did not apply myself to learn in school. It is easier to do when you are young.

Try approaching school with an attitude of curiosity and adventure and you will be amazed at how school suddenly will not be so boring. Approach other activities in your life that seem boring with an attitude of interest and you will notice how exciting life can be.

5 Important Lessons To Learn From School

You will have to spend a lot of time in school preparing for your adult life. You have to study English, math, history, science, physical education, and other subjects that adults believe you need to know before they unleash you onto the world. However, some of the important lessons you will learn in school are not listed on the class syllabus (or outline) but are important lessons to learn while in school.

  1. Responsibility: You will be better prepared for life when you learn to be responsible for making sure your work is done correctly and on time without having to be reminded by the adults in your life. You should be able to keep a calendar and assignment list so you know what is due when and plan your schedule to complete your tasks on time. This is important because in the work world you must work with little supervision but your manager will expect you to do what is required or will find someone else to do the work.
  2. Accountability: You also learn how to respect teachers, administrators, and others in authority (especially your parents if you are home-schooled). At school you learn to abide by rules that are established to maintain a positive orderly atmosphere and to protect students and adults. If you do not abide by the rules you learn that there are consequences for disobedience. I often tell my kids that the rules don’t stop when you live on your own, you just answer to a different group of people. An important skill in life is learning to live by rules responsibly and respectfully.
  3. Friendship: The first day of school, or the first day at a new school, can be so stressful because you don’t know anyone. What a relief when you strike up a conversation with someone in your class or at the lunch table and develop a friendship. You don’t feel so alone after that. Your friendships will likely change as you go through school just as they change when you go through life. Your best friend in middle school may only be a distant friend your senior year of high school. I remember growing apart from friends who were getting involved with drunkenness and other behaviors displeasing to God but I developed good friendships with others who were not doing these things. Make sure your strongest friendships are with those who help you do right, not people who would lead you into bad behaviors.
  4. Uniqueness: In school you realize that you are just one of many kids in many schools across the globe. However, you ought to realize that although you share many interests and dressing styles with others, you are unique in the world. You need to be proud of your uniqueness and do not worry if you do not seem to fit in with others. There are people that you will feel comfortable with and they will love you as you are. Do not change to please others because you will not be happy with the mask and will eventually tire of not expressing yourself. Be happy with who you are and defend it if you must. Do not let others bully you but defend who you are (see  this article for more about this important subject).
  5. Christianity: At school you have occasions to stand for your faith when it is challenged and to share your faith with those who need it. Many school kids were not raised with any connection to Jesus and you can provide the light to guide them to Him. You are able to shine as a good example in your words and actions. You have opportunities to tell of the good work God has done in your life. There are many confused, depressed, and spiritually starving students who would love to have a relationship with God the Father through Jesus but their parents and friends do not serve him. You have the chance to be that light. You can provide the greatest education that your fellow students could receive and which will impact their life for the better.

There are many lessons you will learn in school but not all of them will be in the textbooks!

5 Positive Signs in a Dating Relationship

In a previous article, 5 Warning Signs in a Dating Relationship, I highlighted the warning signs one should look for when dating someone that indicate problems that will make a long-term relationship, especially marriage, difficult. There are also some positive signs that the person you are dating is worth investigating further and perhaps marrying one day.

  1. Interested in you. You will be blessed if you find someone who is interested in you regardless of who your friends are, whether you have many or few possessions, or whether you are popular or not. Someone who is not interested in what you can do for them but wants to serve you embodies the spirit of Christ. Does the person really listen to you or do they seem casually interested in the things most important to you? Do they look at you or the TV (or their phone) when talking? If the person emphasizes the physical part of the relationship and what they can get from you, they are not interested in you, they are interested in satisfying themselves using you and are not worth your time.
  2. Respects your boundaries. A person who respects your physical boundaries to preserve your integrity values you more than their interests. You also want a person who respects your time commitments and responsibilities and would not pressure you to break your word and obligations in order to spend time with them. A selfish or insecure person does not respect the walls you have established in your life and does not reflect the mind of Christ: “Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others. Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus…”(Philippians 2:3-5 ESV).
  3. Grows spiritually with you. You want to find someone who wants to go to heaven regardless of how you choose to live your life, not someone who changes their dedication to God based on your commitment. You want someone you can study and pray with. You want someone that will help and encourage you in serving others and worshiping God. You do not need someone who is your spiritual crutch (or you are theirs) because they (or you) end up taking the place of support and strength that God should occupy. We can support one another but one’s faith must be built on God, not another person. Use the time in dating to go to Bible classes and gospel meetings together. Perhaps you could cook a meal together and take it to enjoy with someone who is widowed or shut in. Christian service should be a natural part of two faithful Christians spending time together.
  4. Responsible. You can derive comfort in a relationship when you learn that they will keep their word no matter the consequences. If the person is a diligent worker and fulfills their responsibilities, you can trust that they have the foundation for being responsible in their role within the family as well. A person who is lazy or makes excuses will continue to do so unless some drastic change takes place in their thinking (and nagging does not accomplish this). A person who works to meet their financial obligations, is active in serving God, takes care of their possessions, and other indications of responsibility will generally maintain those habits throughout their life. This is a characteristic you absolutely want in a husband or wife.
  5. Comfortable and confident when you are not together. A person who is secure in themselves and your relationship will not mind when you spend time with your friends or are away from them. An insecure person is often jealous of time spent with others and worries about you enjoying yourself with others. At the heart is a fear that you will find someone else to date or feel that you do not need them. A person who is constantly asking if you still like them or questions you like a detective when you go out with friends does not trust you and is insecure about your commitment to them. This is unhealthy and must be addressed before the relationship becomes long-term, especially before marriage. Does the person text or call you like a stalker checking on where you are and who you are with? Are they frequently asking “do you miss me?” In order to have a health relationship, you must be able to spend time apart while confident in the stability and dedication of the relationship.

What are some other positive signs to look for in the person you are dating that point to a strong long-term relationship?