Car manufacturers install warning lights to alert us to mechanical problems or potential danger. When dating, there are also indicators that signal relationship problems. A wise young person will watch for these signs. You do not want to marry someone whose negative behaviors will only worsen in a lifelong commitment.
1. Little or No Respect for Others
The comedian Jerry Seinfeld once made a wise observation:
“A person who is nice to you but not to the waiter is not a nice person.”
A person who disrespeets family, friends, or anyone they view as inferior is displaying deep insecurity or arrogance. Neither trait belongs in a healthy, long-term relationship.
Be careful: people are often on their best behavior when they are trying to impress you. Once they feel secure, or if you accomplish something that makes them feel threatened, they may direct that disrespect toward you. Until they build genuine self-confidence, they will belittle others to make themselves feel superior. This behavior is a major red flag.
2. Irresponsible with Money
If the person you are dating lives on credit and wastes money, this habit will not improve after marriage. In fact, you will inherit their financial debt once you marry.
Like the wasteful son in the parable of Luke 15, these individuals are fun to be around when they are spending. They eat at nice restaurants, wear stylish clothes, and buy the latest gadgets. However, when the money runs out, they are left struggling and depressed.
Conversely, someone who is too cheap to enjoy money responsibly can also cause marital stress. Look for a partner who manages money responsibly and spends wisely.
3. Anger Problems
Poor Temper Control
A quick temper shows up early in a relationship and indicates difficulty controlling emotions. If you marry someone with poor self-control, you will both suffer when real life struggles occur.
Passages like Ecclesiastes 7:9, Proverbs 19:19, and Proverbs 22:24-25 teach that unchecked anger is foolish. Over time, you may find yourself blamed for everything that goes wrong, becoming the primary target of their wrath.
Passive Anger
Passive anger is harder to spot but highly destructive. A passive-aggressive person will not voice their disagreement directly, but they will undermine you. Because they lack the courage or self-esteem to face confrontation, they will pretend to agree with your requests but fail to follow through.
They try to get their way through stalling, ignoring, complaining, or whining. You will be much happier with a partner who communicates their feelings honestly.
4. An Overemphasis on the Physical Relationship
Disregard for Boundaries
A person who refuses to respect your boundaries is focused on their own desires, not your well-being. When a partner views you primarily as a source of physical satisfaction, they are treating you as an object rather than a person.
Jesus condemned both lust and sexual immorality in Matthew 5. This means physical boundaries are vital before marriage. Physical intimacy should never be a substitute for building a genuine friendship.
Focus on Appearance
If they are overly concerned with your appearance, they will eventually become critical of how you look. Since none of us are perfect—and we all age—their criticism will only increase.
Constant pressure to look perfect can ruin a person’s self-image and lead to unhealthy habits. A partner who does not accept you as you are does not deserve to be in a relationship with you.
5. Little or No Interest in Spiritual Things
If a person has no interest in spiritual matters now, they are unlikely to change after marriage. Some partners will pretend to care about church just to win your affection, but they will revert to their true habits once the relationship is secure.
Do not try to force someone to become a Christian as a condition for marriage. They may go through the motions to please you, but they will likely quit pretending later. You want a partner who is genuinely committed to God so you can grow together spiritually. Having a spouse to study, pray, and worship with is an invaluable treasure.
Conclusion
Dating is the time to build a solid friendship and truly understand each other. Pray to God for discernment (the ability to make wise judgments) as you navigate your relationship.
Do not rush the relationship (see the article Don’t Awaken Love Until It Pleases). Instead, use this time to watch for the strengths and weaknesses you will live with if you choose to marry.
Private Reflection Journal
What is one thing from this study that you can apply to your life today? Jot down your thoughts below.