Regret 3: I Wanted the Courage to Express My Feelings

Several years ago, Bronnie Ware, a former palliative care (care focused on comforting seriously ill or dying patients) nurse, wrote a widely read article. She based it on conversations with patients in their final weeks of life. They shared their deepest regrets with her.

The top five regrets were posted in an article on her site, which she later turned into a book.

Recently, the website addicted2success published a list of 10 Regrets In Life By Those About To Die. This week, we are discussing five of these regrets.

The third major regret was: “I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings.”

Many people suppressed their feelings in order to keep peace with others. As a result, they settled for a mediocre existence and never became who they were truly capable of becoming. Many developed illnesses relating to the bitterness and resentment they carried as a result. We cannot control the reactions of others. However, although people may initially react when you change the way you are by speaking honestly, in the end it raises the relationship to a whole new and healthier level. Either that or it releases the unhealthy relationship from your life. Either way, you win. (Ware)

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Fear of Sharing Feelings

Sometimes, we live in fear of how others will react to our emotions, so we hide them instead of sharing them.

While it is true that we should sometimes restrain our lips (Proverbs 10:19) and avoid acting on quick annoyance (Proverbs 12:16), there are times when we must speak up. Expressing our feelings is necessary to protect ourselves and establish healthy boundaries.

Furthermore, the people who love us are often anxious to know what we really feel and think, even if they do not agree with us.

A Balanced View of Emotions

Feelings are a fundamental part of what makes us human, designed by God to express our inner thoughts and desires.

While we should not trust our emotions blindly, we should also not ignore or view them as inherently wrong. We achieve balance when we combine our feelings with sound reason.

When we do express our feelings, we must do so with wisdom (Proverbs 13:16) and in a way that builds others up (1 Corinthians 8:1). We do not need to live in fear of what we feel or how others might react.

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You Cannot Control the Reactions of Others

One of the most important lessons I have taught my children is that you are only in control of your own actions, not other people’s reactions.

Someone might react negatively to you, even when your intentions are entirely pure. You are not responsible for their emotional response.

By expressing your feelings honestly, you can encourage others to change destructive behaviors. You have the right to define the respect you deserve and set limits on what you will tolerate.

For example, when someone starts yelling during a discussion, I tell them:

“I will leave (or hang up) if you do not change your tone. We can talk later, but I will not allow you to yell at me.”

I have had to follow through on this limit before, but setting boundaries is essential to maintaining healthy relationships.

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Words Left Unsaid

It is heartbreaking to hear someone standing by the grave of a loved one, expressing regret over words they never spoke.

Sometimes pride prevents us from saying we are sorry. Other times, we struggle to say “I love you,” “I appreciate you,” or “Thank you.” We should never let the fear of vulnerability keep us from speaking these critical words.

Because life is uncertain, we never know how much time we have left with our loved ones. Having lost several close friends and family members at a young age, I learned the importance of expressing appreciation early and often.

Make it a habit to tell people how much they mean to you. Right now, someone in your life—whether a parent, a grandparent, an elderly church member, or a discouraged friend—needs to hear that they are loved.

In Ecclesiastes 9:5-6, the Bible reminds us that love and hatred perish at death. Do not take your love to the grave; leave it behind for the living to enjoy.

A post I once shared on Facebook about cherishing these moments resonated deeply with many:

There are many places I thought I’d return to or people I’d see again. If I didn’t think I’d see you again I’d have lingered a little longer, hugged a little tighter, and left a little slower. Enjoy the moment, the places, and people. Things change. The journey continues. Make the memories worth reliving.

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Other Posts in This Series

• Regret 1: I Sacrificed My Dreams to Please Others
• Regret 2: Missed Much by Working Too Much
• Regret 4: I Miss My Friends
• Regret 5: I Wish I Had Let Myself Be Happier