School Bullying 3: The Jerk

In the previous article, we discussed extreme bullying by violent, unstable kids. In this post, we will focus on a different type of bully: the one who might act tough but is really just a jerk.

A jerk is someone who picks on others to make themselves feel better, but is actually insecure and fearful deep down. While dealing with a jerk is never easy, they often back down when you stand up to them.

Often, this kind of bully feels threatened by you or is jealous of your success. To cover up their own weakness, they attack you to make themselves look strong.

Have you ever seen a tiny dog bark loudly at a huge dog? Bullies act the same way. They target you because you are different or because they perceive (think of) you as an easy target.

Here are five practical tips for dealing with this type of bully:

1. Avoid them if possible. Just like with a violent bully, there is no reason to seek out trouble. Do not hang around places where you know a bully spends time. However, you should not let fear control your life or dictate where you go.
2. Do not give them the reaction they want. Bullies crave control, wanting to see you get upset, cry, or run away. Your calm indifference is your best defense. If they insult you or try to start an argument, look at them blankly, turn, and walk away. If you refuse to play their game, they will quickly lose interest and move on.
3. Stand up to them firmly. If a bully confronts you and will not let you ignore them, speak up. Calmly but firmly say, “Leave me alone.” If they persist, say it again louder and walk away. Jerks fear adult authority and getting into trouble. Ignore any parting insults they throw at your back—their words do not define you.
4. Report the behavior. If the bully refuses to stop, tell a teacher, counselor, or parent. Bullies hate spotlighting. Once school officials are involved, a jerk will usually stay far away from you to avoid future consequences.
5. Pray for them. Praying for your enemies is difficult, but it is exactly what Jesus taught. Your ultimate goal should be for them to change their behavior and experience God’s love. Unexpected kindness can disarm a bully. Since they expect anger or fear, responding with calm kindness shows the strength of Christ in your life and might even show them a better way to live.

Hurting People Hurt Others

Always remember: what a bully says about you reveals their character, not yours. Do not take their insults about your clothes, hair, or appearance to heart.

When they attack you, try to picture the insecure, hurting child inside them who is desperately seeking attention. They are trying to cause pain because they are in pain themselves. Their words are not based in reality, so do not let them take root in your mind.

A Personal Story: The “Ear Thumper”

When I was in high school, an older, taller student used to pick on me constantly. He would thump my ears in class, poke me, and say annoying things. One day, I finally had enough. I turned around and asked him:

“What joy do you get in picking on me? I’m not telling you to stop, but I need to know how it is making you happy because it is really bugging me.”

He got a confused look on his face and replied:

“I don’t know. I just do it.”

After that day, he never picked on me again. In fact, we eventually became friends and joked around together.

Later that year, a much larger student—a truly violent bully—challenged me to a fight when the teacher left the room. While I tried to ignore him, my former “ear thumper” stepped in. He tackled the bully to protect me.

While fighting was not the outcome I wanted, it showed how a former tormentor could become an ally. But that is a story for another time.