School Bullying 2: The Violent Kid

There are two kinds of bullies you will typically face: the violent kid and the jerk. The violent kid is mentally unstable and gets a thrill from hurting others. The jerk is simply someone who likes to pick on others to make himself feel better, but is actually scared deep inside. We will cover the jerk in the next article.

The violent kid is someone to avoid. Often, this person has been a victim of terrible abuse. They carry deep anger and lash out because they are hurting inside.

Some grow up around violent adults and simply repeat what they saw. Because they fear being taken advantage of, they use violence to demand respect that they do not know how to earn peacefully.

Suggestions for Dealing with a Violent Bully

1. Avoid them if possible. There is no shame in taking a longer route or avoiding places where these bullies hang out. If you give them space, they will often leave you alone because they do not want others entering their territory. Be smart and avoid their path, even if it feels inconvenient.

   As the Bible says:

   “The prudent sees danger and hides himself, but the simple go on and suffer for it.” (Proverbs 27:12)

2. Remember the safety in numbers. If you cannot avoid them, never cross their path alone. Violent bullies prefer to target isolated people and are less likely to confront a group. Traveling with friends increases the chances that others will defend you or quickly run for help if needed.

3. If they target you, walk away. They want you to get angry and fight back, but physical conflict is dangerous. Remember that violent bullies are unstable and do not think clearly when angry.

   The best response is to say, “I don’t want any trouble,” and walk away. If they grab you, yell “Leave me alone!” and try to break free. Yelling draws attention, which often makes them back off. Even if you must run and endure their laughter, it is far better to get to safety and find an adult.

4. Always report bullying. If you are targeted, tell a trusted adult immediately. Many violent bullies already have a history of trouble with the school or police. They need to be stopped before they seriously hurt someone. You should also report it if you see them picking on others.

5. Pray for them. Praying for your enemies is difficult, but it is exactly what Jesus taught. Pray that they turn away from violence and find the peace of Christ.

   Think of how much happier they would be—and how much safer the school would be—if they chose kindness. Reflect the love of Christ by showing unexpected kindness. Since they expect anger and retaliation, your gentle response might guide them to a better way of living.

A Personal Story: The Stare-Down

When I was in college, about 15 of my friends were hanging out and talking in a dorm room. Suddenly, two guys from downstairs burst in, angry and full of attitude. They were college basketball players—much taller and stronger than the rest of us.

One of them barked, “Whose room is this?” A quiet, nervous student replied, “Mine.”

The bully bent over, jabbed a finger in his face, and began shouting. The more fear the student showed, the more aggressive the bully became.

Everyone in the room was shocked into silence. Finally, I spoke up sharply and firmly: “Leave him alone.”

The bully stopped mid-sentence. With eyes full of anger, he yelled, “Who said that?”

“I did,” I replied, keeping my voice calm but steady.

He walked over, bent down, and pressed his finger directly against my nose. I knew I would probably lose a physical fight, but I stared directly into his eyes to show I would not be intimidated.

We stood in silence for about 30 seconds. Because I did not fight, run, or yell, he was caught completely off guard. Finally, he backed off, muttered, “You all keep it down,” and left.

I reported the incident the next day, and we never had trouble with him again. In fact, we eventually learned to get along peacefully. We did not seek revenge, and he did not start any more fights.

Conclusion

Violent bullies are accustomed to aggression and do not fear hurting others. Because of this, it is always best to involve adults, school officials, or even the police. They are trained and equipped to handle dangerous behavior safely.

Do you have any suggestions for how to deal with violent bullies?