Reflection on a Friend's Suicide

On November 3, 1998, a close friend of mine who was drowning in personal problems took his own life. He suffered silently from depression, avoiding medical help or counseling. With professional help, he might have been able to process his struggles more realistically, rather than seeing them through the warped (distorted) lens that depression creates.

Having struggled with depression myself over the years, I know firsthand the dark cloud that can cover even a faithful child of God.

The Grief of Those Left Behind

Because people rarely discuss suicide openly, those left behind often mourn in silence and confusion. As survivors, we frequently torture ourselves with questions. We wonder what we should have said, or what warning signs we might have missed.

Many people feel a complex mix of emotions:

• Anger that the person did not give them a chance to help.
• Grief over unanswered questions and the lack of a goodbye.
• Guilt driven by endless “if only” thoughts.

We must remember that someone in the depths of a suicidal crisis is not thinking rationally. Their mind is clouded by deep pain, and they cannot see logical solutions.

Finding Peace of Mind Through Jesus

If your heart is filled with despair, turn to the Great Physician, Jesus.

In the Gospels, when Jesus sailed to the region of the Gadarenes, He was met by a wild man who lived among the tombs. This man was so tormented that no one could restrain him, even with chains. Yet, when he saw Jesus, he ran to Him and worshiped. Jesus commanded the unclean spirits to leave him. Soon after, the local townspeople came out and found the man—once wild and uncontrollable—sitting quietly in his right mind at the feet of Jesus.

While demon possession is not a modern issue, having ended after the apostolic era, Jesus still has the power to heal troubled hearts today. Without a connection to Him, it is easy to lose hope and drift into despair. Through prayer and His Word, Jesus helps us regain our spiritual focus. He invites everyone who is weary to find comfort in Him:

Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. — Matthew 11:28-30

When we let the world influence us more than God, chaos, anxiety, and difficulties quickly take over.

• Chaos: The world cannot give us wise guidance; it only offers conflicting philosophies.
• Anxiety: We cannot have true peace without casting our cares on God (1 Peter 5:7).
• Difficulties: If we refuse to rely on Christ and our church family, we carry heavy burdens alone instead of sharing them (Galatians 6:2).

Sometimes, we try too hard to be independent. We attempt to solve spiritual problems with worldly methods, which are doomed to fail.

Helping One Another and Seeking Support

Historically, communities have always come together to help families carry heavy burdens. Whether it was a barn raising in the Old West or caring for a widow, people united in times of trouble.

Asking for help is not a sign of weakness; it is a sign of strength. We must allow others to pray with us, support us, and walk beside us through dark times (James 5:16-20; Philippians 2:1-4).

Additionally, clinical depression is a real medical issue. It is completely appropriate to talk to a doctor. God has blessed us with medical professionals who understand chemical imbalances and can offer treatment.

As a Christian, I have personally needed medical assistance to handle the physical side of depression. If you are struggling, please reach out. People care and want to help.

[!IMPORTANT] If you or someone you know is in crisis, free and confidential help is available 24/7. You can call or text the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline at 988, or call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255.

When my friend took his life in 1998, it was election day. Since then, I have deeply missed him and wished I could have helped him choose a different path. On that day, he voted to end his life.

As for me, I choose life. No matter what despair or disaster comes my way, I will choose life—even if I need my brothers and sisters in Christ to help me push the lever.