Learning Lessons From The Death of a Loved One

A thoughtful person leaves a funeral home with a prayer for the grieving and a quiet reflection on their own mortality (the fact that we will all die). God has placed eternity in our hearts. When someone we know leaves this world, it should force us to think deeply about how we are living.

Ultimately, we will all face our deeds on the day of judgment (Romans 2:6-10). Reflecting on death allows us to examine our lives and make necessary changes before it is too late.

It is better to go to the house of mourning than to go to the house of feasting, for this is the end of all mankind, and the living will lay it to heart. Sorrow is better than laughter, for by sadness of face the heart is made glad. The heart of the wise is in the house of mourning, but the heart of fools is in the house of mirth. — Ecclesiastes 7:2-4

In our modern, pleasure-seeking society, suggesting that a funeral is better than a party sounds almost offensive. We enjoy incredible conveniences. Painless healthcare helps us live longer than our ancestors. Modern transportation can carry us across the globe in hours.

We no longer have to chop wood for heat or grow all our own food. We have dishwashers to clean our plates, microwaves to cook meals in minutes, and washing machines to clean our clothes. Yet, despite all these labor-saving devices and physical blessings, we still struggle to find peace.

Indeed, rates of depression and suicide remain tragically high. Why do so many seek escape in drugs and alcohol when life is physically easier and more luxurious than ever before? Why do we have so much free time on paper, yet struggle to find time for family, church, and spiritual growth?

Perhaps we have spent too much time in the “house of feasting,” and our spiritual overindulgence is making us sick.

Comparing the Two Houses

Subject	House of Mourning	House of Feasting
Thoughts	Sober: reflecting on the end of life and the importance of living today (Ecclesiastes 7:2)	Vain and futile (meaningless) thoughts: great attention to foolish things
Compassion	Great concern for those who are suffering	Cannot be burdened with sadness; depressed people “bring down the party”
Help	Finding many to help bear burdens; working together to care for family and friends	No one works; ease is sought above all else
Forgiveness	Much forgiveness, apologies over the casket, regret for unsaid words, and reconciliation with the living	False fronts conceal malice (ill-will) and envy; putting others down to lift oneself up
Materialism	Material things are put in their proper, passing perspective (Ecclesiastes 2:17-21)	Material things are exalted and cherished
Future	Sober reflection about one’s future and ultimate accountability to God (Ecclesiastes 12:13-14)	No thought of the future: “Eat, drink, and be merry, for tomorrow we die”
Mortality	Face-to-face with mortality (Ecclesiastes 9:2-6)	Feeling of immortality; invulnerability (cannot be hurt); sometimes ending in tragic overdose
Vanity of Life	Cold reality that earthly life without God is vain (futile) (Ecclesiastes 1:12-14)	Thinking that life is just one big party

Shattering Our Illusions

The house of mourning shatters our daily illusions. When we face death, we realize that the physical world is temporary. We are reminded that everyone will eventually die and be forgotten by future generations.

One hundred years from now, very few will care who we were or what we did. This reality should keep us from compromising our values just to gain temporary popularity. While humanity may forget us, God will always remember us and our faithfulness to Him.

We are made better when we take time to reflect:

• The house of mourning forces us to face reality.
• The house of feasting tempts us to escape reality.

One prepares us to stand before God; the other leaves us unprepared and in spiritual danger.

Finding True Joy

Paradoxically (seemingly contradictory), the house of mourning leads to a far more satisfying life than the house of feasting.

While a party offers temporary entertainment, true contentment begins when we face life’s limits. Of course, the house of mourning is not meant to be our permanent home; we cannot live in constant sorrow. However, the solemn (serious) thoughts we have there should enrich our daily lives.

Facing death helps us cherish every day, value every relationship, and live with purpose. Those who live only for the next party often end up bored and empty, because entertainment cannot satisfy the soul.

Our Eternal Home

Ultimately, our eternal home will be either a house of mourning or a house of feasting.

• Heaven is pictured as a place of eternal joy, worship, and peace in the presence of God, where all pain and sorrow are wiped away.
• Hell is a place of eternal mourning, regret, and separation from God for those who ignored His Word.

If we learn the lessons of the house of mourning during our short time on earth, we can look forward to living in God’s house of joy for eternity.