Those words stung. They slammed deep into my chest.

The look of disappointment in her eyes and the sword of truth from her tongue hit their mark:

“I thought you were a Christian.”

I thought I was one, too. However, it was obvious I was not acting like it.

A Ride Home from Church

This event took place during my college years. I usually drove students to a church about 20 minutes away from campus.

One Sunday morning, a few friends and a girl I did not know very well rode with me. During this time, Prince’s album Purple Rain was very popular. I had the cassette tape and a loud car stereo system.

As we drove back to campus, we blasted the music. The girl was clearly not enjoying it. My friends and I were singing along loudly.

She voiced her discomfort and asked me to change the music. Because I was an arrogant young man—mostly to cover up my own anxiety and low self-esteem—I turned the volume up even louder. I made a few smart remarks.

When a particularly rude song came on, I refused to change it. I was acting like a jerk.

The Confrontation

When we arrived back on campus, we all got out of the car. She walked around to my side, tilted her head, and spoke.

Her tone was neither angry nor hurt, but simply matter-of-fact:

“I thought you were a Christian.”

I do not remember if I apologized right then. However, I will never forget the impact of that much-needed rebuke (loving correction).

How I Didn’t React

I could have gotten defensive and asked, “Are you perfect?” I could have pointed out her own flaws to make myself feel better.

I could have argued that we are all broken, and that God’s grace covers our sins. But her perfection had nothing to do with my behavior. We should never use God’s grace as an excuse to keep sinning.

I also could have accused her of judging me. I could have quoted “Judge not…” to try to shut her down.

But I would have had to hope she did not know the rest of the Bible. The scriptures actually encourage Christians to use righteous judgment. We are called to help rescue fellow believers who are wandering away from God.

I was acting poorly, and she was simply asking me to see how my actions contradicted my faith.

I did not ignore her.

How I Did React

I do not remember her name, but I still remember her words 30 years later. I thought deeply about my actions and knew she was right.

I apologized to her later for my conceit (pride and self-importance) and my lack of respect. I resolved to make better choices and eventually found friends who encouraged me to do what was right.

I never forgot those words. If she ever reads this, I want her to know I am grateful. Her loving rebuke has stopped me many times when I was tempted to act in a way that does not honor God.

How Will You React?

How do you react when someone confronts you about something you are doing wrong?

• Do you attack them for trying to help you get back on track?
• Do you discuss it calmly with an open heart and an open Bible to see if they are right?
• Are you patient if they do not have all the facts, thanking them for their courage to speak up?
• Do you lash out and speak harshly because they dared to criticize you?

Saying “God knows my heart” does not explain away the bad behavior that concerned your friend in the first place. If we saw our hearts the way God sees them, we might understand why our godly friends are worried.

Your friends could be wrong, but you could be wrong too. Be thankful for people who care more about your soul than your temporary feelings.