Comforting the Grieving

Most of us have great difficulty when visiting the bereaved (those who are grieving the death of a loved one) at their home or the funeral home. After all, when such a great tragedy has taken place, what can we really do? We often feel helpless in our attempts to comfort them.

Practical Ways to Show Concern

When someone passes away, our first priority should be helping the living. We need to show our brethren (fellow church members) that we genuinely care.

Beyond just visiting, we can show our love through practical acts of service:

• Bringing meals to the family
• Helping with laundry or preparing funeral clothes
• Assisting with childcare
• Running errands or doing yard work

Watching Our Words

We must be extremely mindful of the words we choose. There is no magic phrase that will instantly take away a mourner’s pain. In fact, some common attempts at comfort can actually cause more hurt:

• “Time heals all wounds.” — Although things may get easier eventually, this phrase downplays their current pain.
• “After a while, you will forget.” — No one wants to forget a loved one they have lost.
• “They would have wanted you to…” — We cannot know what the deceased would have wanted, making this phrase feel empty and speculative.
• “What a great loss you have suffered.” — This is a stating of the obvious that doesn’t offer comfort.
• “At least it happened before the baby was born.” — (This was actually said to a grieving parent). Parents bond with their children long before birth; losing a baby early is still a profound loss.

The Power of Presence and Listening

Often, the best thing we can do during a time of grief is to say nothing at all. A warm hug and a sympathetic ear are frequently the greatest sources of comfort.

If you do speak, share positive memories or stories about the person who passed. Knowing that their loved one made a difference in the lives of others is incredibly comforting to those left behind.

“Then they also will answer Him, saying, ‘Lord, when did we see You hungry or thirsty or a stranger or naked or sick or in prison, and did not minister to You?’ Then He will answer them, saying, ‘Assuredly, I say to you, inasmuch as you did not do it to one of the least of these, you did not do it to Me.’ And these will go away into everlasting punishment, but the righteous into eternal life.” — Matthew 25:44-46