12 Ways To Honor A Deceased Loved One

In other articles, we discussed why our deceased (passed away) loved ones do not watch over us or become angels. In those articles, we noted that our attempts to honor our loved ones must never dishonor God or take away the glory that belongs to Him alone.

Since those who have died no longer have anything to do with this world, how can we honor their memory in a godly way? Here are 12 practical ways to do so.

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1. Send a Sympathy Card

You can send a sympathy card to the family or close friends of the deceased. This lets them know you are thinking about them during a difficult time.

Consider including a single positive memory or a lesson you learned from the person who passed. It is incredibly comforting for grieving families to know their loved one had a positive impact on others.

Avoid sharing stories about wild parties or getting into trouble, as these might not be comforting to the family.

2. Provide Practical Help

Surviving family members often need help with practical tasks. If the deceased was a parent, the surviving spouse might need help with the children while they handle financial and legal affairs.

Offer to take the kids to the park or out to eat, even months after the death.

• If a husband passed: Offer to help with yard work or home repairs.
• If a wife passed: Offer to help with household chores, laundry, and meals.

Practical help is often appreciated most weeks or months after the funeral, when other visitors have stopped coming.

3. Make a Charitable Donation

If a person died of a specific disease, the family may ask for donations “in lieu of flowers” (instead of buying flowers for the funeral).

You can make a donation to a charity that fights that disease or helps its victims.

Even if the family does not ask for this, you can still make a donation. Send a card to the family letting them know which organization you supported in their loved one’s memory.

4. Set Up a Memorial Donation

You can donate money to a school, library, or scholarship fund in the name of the deceased.

For example, you could donate to a college library and ask them to purchase books in honor of your loved one. The library will usually place a special label in the front of the book with the name of the person you honored.

Sometimes, friends will set up a special fund to help pay for the education of the deceased person’s children. Giving to a cause the deceased cared about is a lasting way to honor their life.

5. Record Your Memories

We often think our memories will stay clear forever. However, studies show that our memories can fade or blend together over time.

While your memories are still fresh, write down the special times you shared. Note what you talked about, your private jokes, lessons you learned, and how you feel about their absence.

Writing down your memories preserves them for the future and helps you process your grief.

6. Create a Scrapbook

Put together a scrapbook of pictures, mementos, and the obituary (a published notice of a person’s death). Add written stories about what you did together and what you learned from them.

If the person who died had small children, this scrapbook will be a treasure when they grow up. They will eventually have questions about who their parent was and how they lived.

(Note: Hearing good stories about my father was incredibly meaningful to me, especially since he died when I was only five years old.)

7. Gather a Collection of Their Work

If the deceased person was creative, you can collect their drawings, writings, poems, music, or photos of their art.

You can share this collection in several ways:

• Publish it on a blog or website.
• Design a printed memory book through a print-on-demand service.
• Host an informal show to display their work and share stories.

For example, friends of a young boy who was a talented cartoonist collected his drawings and published a book after his death. This was a beautiful tribute that brought great comfort to his family.

8. Set Up a Memorial Web Page

A quick search online will show companies that offer web space to share photos, videos, and stories about the deceased.

Additionally, immediate family members can contact social media platforms like Facebook to “memorialize” an account. This preserves the profile while restricting access to friends only.

9. Host a Memorial Gathering

Host a dinner or informal party to reminisce (remember past events) and honor the deceased.

You do not have to do this immediately after the funeral. In fact, waiting a few weeks can be helpful, as it gives the family time to process the initial shock.

At the gathering, focus on comforting one another and sharing good stories and memories (a eulogy is a speech praising someone who has died).

10. Finish Their Uncompleted Projects

If the deceased was working on a major project at the time of their death, organize a group to finish it.

Whether it was a charity project, a home renovation, or a family scrapbook, working together to finish it honors their values.

For example, the family of a man named Michael Mason published his autobiography after he passed away. His book detailed his challenging life with MD (Muscular Dystrophy, a disease that weakens muscles). It was a wonderful tribute that helped many readers understand the challenges he faced.

11. Remember Special Days

Birthdays, holidays, and the anniversary of a death are incredibly hard for the family, especially in the first few years.

Mark these dates on your calendar. Make a point to call, visit, or send a card to the family on these days.

After the initial rush of the funeral, families can feel lonely and wonder if everyone has forgotten their loved one. Reminding them of your love is deeply comforting.

12. Use Your Comfort to Comfort Others

As you walk through the grieving process, write down the spiritual lessons you learn.

Once you experience God’s comfort, you can share that same comfort with others who are hurting.

My friend David Tant wrote a beautiful article called “When Do The Tears Stop?” during his own time of grief. His reflections have comforted me and many others over the years. You can read his article here.