I think that you are right to confront the levels of leadership to address the issue. It is important to stress that it is the souls of your child and the bully that concern you and that you want an environment that creates positive growth opportunities for all. Unfortunately, if the leadership doesn’t see this importance you may, as was your experience, have to seek another environment.

As a parent of four kids (and raised another two in our home), I have found that I must often create the supportive environment by being a place where kids can come and socialize and I can deal with unacceptable behavior. When our kids were in sports they were involved either with the school or the park where I would guess bullying might be dealt with more seriously (seem to have better policies in place and perhaps lawsuit aversion). Encourage your kids to choose good friends by teaching them the standards to look for.

The church where I attend does not have social programs, children’s ministries, or sports teams. As individuals we are involved in the community, we have monthly teen Bible classes and created opportunities within homes for kids to get together, and the kids play sports at the park. Since the church is focused on glorifying God in our worship and lives and not attracting crowds with many programs, we tend to attract those who want this deep spiritual relationship and growth as opposed to adding some spirituality to their life. I have found that the kids we worship with tend to show a personal interest in spiritual growth and want to edify one another. Since the group is focused on spiritual growth more than a social/entertainment agenda I think the individuals are focused on creating an environment of mutual respect and edification for all ages. Sadly, the attitudes you describe in your comment are not consistent with adults or children who desire to glorify God and edify others. I hope you can find a positive environment for your kids. Keep fighting for them! They see it and I’m sure they appreciate it more than you’ll know.

In Christian sports organizations it’s the smE thing. The parents minimize what’s going on and once you have shown yourself to be a person that wants a Godly standard of behavior you are judged and avoided by the other conformist parents as a trouble-maker.

My question is, “How does one find a truly Christian Environment to reinforce God’s standards for behavior?”.

Thanks for visiting the site and for your question. You are right that there can be some confusing information out there about what is right and wrong in a dating relationship. I hope that I don’t add to that confusion.

The most important thing is to understand what God says and what men, like the pastors, suggest. God commands us to avoid sexual immorality (Romans 13:13 and Ephesians 5:3 are just two of several). When dating we should be pure in our behavior (and support the woman’s goal to be pure/chaste ) and realize that ultimately the actions performed in the body should glorify God, not serve passions, 1 Corinthians 6:9-20. This means keeping our desires in control and by focusing on the friendship and the emotional connection we can accomplish this. BTW, understand that the desires themselves are not wrong, they are natural–created by God. However, they should only be enjoyed within the marriage relationship, Hebrews 13:4. When you focus on purity in your life and relationships, it helps keep the right things in perspective. When we become ruled by our lusts a lot of chaos is created in our lives.

The purpose of dating is to enjoy the company of others and ultimately find the person you want to marry. There may be many people that you would date who you wouldn’t be interested in marrying but make sure you are not dating someone who will push you to compromise the dedication to purity discussed above. Dating provides a great way to learn about others so you know what you are looking for in a spouse. Can recreational dating desecrate God’s will in marriage? Yes, if you are just dating to satisfy lusts (which often would be indulging in impure behaviors) but if you are acting with purity there is nothing in God’s will that forbids such dating.

As far as kissing, I do know some couples that decided that their first kiss would be at their wedding. Seems pretty cool. I know many more that this is not the case. There are friendly and even romantic kisses that are certainly not wrong. But this is where you have to be careful. If you are spending extended time kissing are you creating desires that would lead you to some impure activities? Is there a chance you will quit focusing on the friendship and emotional part of the relationship to serve the physical? Those are the type of concerns that you need to consider. Read the 1 Corinthians 6:9-20 passage above and remember that your actions need to glorify God. It might be that you find things getting out of hand and you have to stop and get out of the situation. That’s a good thing and a proper exercise of self-control. It might be hard but it is worth it.

Sounds like you might be dealing with the guilt from lust. That’s just one of those struggles that we guys must fight. We can’t throw our hands up because the battle is hard but we must do what we can to treat our date with honor and respect and take the steps to protect ourselves. Job said that he made a covenant with his eyes not to lust, Job 31:1. He made a commitment and made the tough choices to keep that commitment. Certainly we are going to have our failures but God will absolutely forgive us of lust as well as other sins and you will not be cursed. 1 John 1:7 says that when we walk with Jesus his blood forgives us and 1 John 2:1 says that when we sin we have and advocate in Jesus to plead for us.

As far as going back to the girl, that is a personal choice. If you like her there would be no problem, assuming you are behaving honorably as described above. However, if you are young I would suggest taking the opportunity to date others and not focusing so much on finding “the one” so that you can determine what type of girl you enjoy being around, who makes you feel good about yourself, who supports you in being the right kind of person, and learning about girls in general which will help you in finding the right person when that time comes. Focus on the friendships and the rest will usually take care of itself. It is when one focuses on finding “the one” that problems sometimes develop.

You are wise to pray for the right type of person. You sound like a fine sensitive young person who has a lot to offer a fine young lady. Enjoy dating and building friendships and what you learn about relationships, friendships, and yourself will prepare you for the person God brings to you. You may suffer some heartbreaks and confusion along the way but anything worth having means facing some trials.

Thanks for writing, Josh, and I really hope you not only enjoy the forgiveness God provides but enjoy this special part of our walk on this earth. Please reply if you would like additional info or if you have other questions.</P

Good article. I just finished a conversation with some other ladies of my generation expressing concern at the prevalence of the attitudes you warn about. To hear them tell it, there is no such thing as “true religion and undefiled”. Thanks for all the good points you brought out.